LL, sorry about previous post. I think I was rude and did not think for you very well...
Quoting lostlove:I want to run away!!!...
this is not a new feeling either, this is how I felt before h's ea, before he left... the feelings were gone when h came home... then he was "trying" now he's just here and that is supposed to be enough? what type of a r is that. I know nothing of him. something is terribly wrong.
I have to say you are right that there is something wrong, and now I can relate how you feel. It must be hard to live happily with your H when you cannot feel his heart is around. I can see why you would feel that you are the one that could be walking away!
The only thing I want to say is please do something nice to youself, especially for this B-day, in addition to what your H is preparing for you. Leave your H's part as a surprise or bonus; you deserve being treated well, at least by yourself. Short of walking away, I would say you should perhaps go out take a course, grab a beer, go to museums, in addition to book clubs and CPR classes you are already doing. Something special just for our LL. Something by yourself for yourself. You can do that, and you can be happy; then you can be happy in your M.
Sorry you are feeling down...it seems that your frustrations are still there...and rightfully so...you have to decide for sure if you have the strength to keep working on yourself and the m...you can't do anything about your h..that he has to want to do himself. You have come so far are so strong..I wish happiness for you.. Sue
Hmmm...your list of "I do nots" unfortunately ring very true for me in many ways. You know, I have to say that some men are complete knuckleheads when it comes to communicating with women. I used to think I was pretty good because I grew up in a house with three women (my folks had a D): mom, older sis, and younger sis. But, you know what, there was still A LOT I had to learn due to my genetic makeup. My bizarre point, you ask? I think your H needs some guidance. Clearly you two have some significant communication problems. Now, I know we've discussed this before, but I just want to run something by you...
Have you noticed that he has come "home" a little more in the last week or so? Kind of seems like it to me. What are some of those little things that he's been doing that tell you this (I know of one )? Based on the premise that he has come home a little more lately, it is clearly because of the patience you've shown in giving him the space to make this move. Now, what if you were patient a little longer? Do you think you'd likely see more changes?
Or let's say you want to be patient no longer. What would happen if you simply told him how you appreciate the little things he's been doing lately, but you feel that you two have some communication issues that need to be addressed? I believe he has said he does not want to go to C, but what if you suggested going to some M seminar or class that helps teach decent communication? This might be less intimidating to your H than C. What do you think would happen if you suggested this?
Oh man LL. I can totally identify with your post! Quote:
"h is here for his children, h is here for his "cave", h is here becuase it is the choice that has the least repricussions financialy, emotionally, respectfully (?) h is here but I am not."
I have been struggling with these feelings too! You go on to say:
I want to run away!!!!
this is not a new feeling either, this is how I felt before h's ea, before he left... the feelings were gone when h came home... then he was "trying" now he's just here and that is supposed to be enough? what type of a r is that. I know nothing of him. something is terribly wrong. if h never leaves again.... perhaps 20 years from now...I will!!! or maybe I'll just build him an in-law suite and he can go live in it!!"
I too am so frustrated with my "live in" MLC h. My h is balking at joint counselling, any kind of marriage talk, and also attempted an EA some months ago that appears to have fizzled (it was not reciprocated by her and he has NO idea I know about the email attempts on his part).
My h is working 2 jobs, has many expensive "hobbies and toys" that do not include me, and is driving us to financial disaster with his me! me! me! mentality! (Huge financial debt here). He also expects me to pay the "basic bills" so that he can have his toys! I CANNOT DO THAT. I make only 25% of what he makes. And I have put my dtr (his stepdaughter) thru 5 yrs of private school @ more than $4,000 a year!!(with absolutely NO help from him). He makes over $100,000 a year.............I make $20,000 a year. It just makes me SO angry that he expects my dtr and I to be finacially depend from him!
I'm sorry I didn't mean to hijack your post. Please forgive me. I am so angry on one hand and despondant on the other hand. I hear your frustration and despair SO well. Take care LL. One day at a time I guess. I will try here too. <<<HUGS>>> We are going to be ok. It's just the dang process that hurts so bad.
ok ok ok , reminder... things are never really as bad as they seem when I come and post a rant. yes there are times when I feel very much like I said. but I FEEL that way, does not mean that h is doing nothing about it. maybe he's not following me around anymore and has started to actually "live" here.
hell the wind can blow a different direction and I want to quit, I'm sure all of you understand.
so here's to a better day, and actually yesterday wasn't so bad!!
ll, much understanding sent your way! i do this too, one minute i really hate my h, then not so bad...then ok, maybe i can do this, maybe i can forgive, no i hate what he did, yes i love him, i know you understand! hang in there. lisa
I hope this cold mornig finds your spirits better. We all have these down feelings. How many times have you lifted mine recently? Enjoy your Bday celebration today. Remember it's your birthday weekend! Celebrate the wonderful person LL is. With or without H or M!
thanks for the birthday wishes. today I am 30! I don't know how I really feel about it. there is alot I have already done with my life that some women reaching 30 still dream of but there is still alot yet to do.
I will admit I have been a bit depressed lately and I don't know exactly why, could be the sit with h, could be my birthday, could be the winter (damn it's cold and all this snow) could be the extra weight (shouldn't bother me though cause I still am above average for a house wife with two little kids) could be my parents (they d'd 5 years ago and still haven't healed) could be any number of things or all of these things piled together.
so this morning I stayed in bed. came down and made breakfast... ready...scrambled eggs, hash brown patties and corned beef hash and a nice tall glass of orange juice. h cleaned up!!
today h has to go to the mall to pick up the pics that we dropped of to have framed for his "cave" he will take son with him. (nice) so dd is napping and when she wakes I'll give her lunch and then off to walmart for diaper and some other tid bits. tonight we will have my birthday dinner KFC (i don't know why but it has been my birthday meal since I was about 13) don't know what h has or will be getting for me but I suppose I should just be thankful that he is here and we are becomming a family. perhaps it will take time before I feel like we are a couple or maybe that will never happen? I don't know but right now I will focus on the family and myself.
so another year in the life of LL.
this year I hope to...
-get in better shape (oh how I loved myself over the summer thin and trim amazing what 10 little pounds can do to a womans mentality) I've joined the gym so that should take care of that and actually will kill two birds at once... getting in shape will make me feel good, boost my energy, and getting out will give me a sense of self something I'll be doing just for me.
-look into that emt thing (I'm a bit terrified I must say, I think I have that fear of failure thing, maybe thats why I opted to be a housewife)
-spend more time with friends and family- try to have a once a week night/afternoon that is for me to be me with my friends or family (my mom)
-decorate the dining room (the one room that never got painted (well the flat white paint the builder used) so I should have some fun with that too bad I can't actually go buy a real dining set for the room but I'll make do with the stuff I have for now and just gussy it up a bit.
-try to find the possitive everyday and focus on that instead of letting the negatives bring me down.
-once football is over, start going back to church and then enjoying a few kid free hours afterward.
I know there is more but that's a good start for a monday morning right?
LL who is not old!!!! she's just not twenty something anymore
)? Based on the premise that he has come home a little more lately, it is clearly because of the patience you've shown in giving him the space to make this move. Now, what if you were patient a little longer? Do you think you'd likely see more changes? 
