I appreciate ALL the feedback. I really do. It helps. I brought up our R last night and said some things, calmly, that I needed to say. I told him specifically what I need more of, and he seemed like he heard me. So last night he sat down on the couch, after all day of yard stuff/garage etc. and curled up with the kids and watched a movie and scratched each others backs, etc. It was nice. He is trying harder today and asking me for input galore. Almost too much, but it's well intended.
As much as I detest saying this, I feel as if I'm having a MLC myself. I've spent 2 years talking to others about how love is a choice we make. Yet I'm having trouble making that very choice. When I hear or see something from the days when we were so close, I can ALMOST get there, but it is like looking at a painting with a stain on it now. My friend said look at it as a tapestry with some parts better than others, and don't stand too close or all you'll see are the errors in workmanship.
Btw, H has consistently told me ILY even while gone--simply justified the departure, like a soldier getting deployed who has a mission and no "real" choice...DB Coach said maybe I should think of Alaska as Iraq. I am not so sure. We were both in the Army and served in Desert Storm and this is NOT the same thing to me. But she may have meant it as a coping tool for dealing with my anger which I thought I was DONE with!! How long does it take to forgive? J-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
