I do not feel secure with h. I do not feel loved by h. I do not feel confident with h. I do not feel joy with h. I do not feel fun with h. I do not feel "family" with h. I do not feel like "me" with h.
I do not feel like h really wants to be with me, I do not feel like h is really here with "me" h is here yes. h is here for his children, h is here for his "cave", h is here becuase it is the choice that has the least repricussions financialy, emotionally, respectfully (?) h is here but I am not.
I am not sure I want to do this anymore.
I am tired of h not understanding any of the effects of what he has done. I am tired of h not having anything to say. I am tired of h avoiding me.
we are supposed to go out tonight. I don't want to go out with him. he is boring and when I am with him I feel suffocated!!
I want to run away!!!!
this is not a new feeling either, this is how I felt before h's ea, before he left... the feelings were gone when h came home... then he was "trying" now he's just here and that is supposed to be enough? what type of a r is that. I know nothing of him. something is terribly wrong. if h never leaves again.... perhaps 20 years from now...I will!!! or maybe I'll just build him an in-law suite and he can go live in it!!
