Hummmm.... I think you might try working toward developing a good friendship with your husband. Don't think of him as your husband at this point, but a friend and co-parent. That will help you let go of expectations and a wee bit of the jealousy and anger towards OW. It seems like you've had a lot of little storms throughout your marriage and a more relaxed friendship would help bring you closer (even if the divorce does go through... you won't lose anything being friends. That doesn't mean giving up what you are entitled to or want in the divorce. Keep that separate from the friendship).
BTW, I've known people who divorced and then two years later (after growing up a bit) remarry. Of course, that doesn't always happen, but being friends never hurts....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
