ERC, our situations are so similar I could almost be reading my own posts.
My 6 year old has started asking lots of questions, like "why do you sleep downstairs". I don't even know what to answer. I think i'll use the advice here and make my wife explain it. I'm not taking the blame here though, and i'm not lying to my kids.
My wife isn't angry at me anymore. She was, now she is angry with our situation. She gets frustrated very easily by me now. I wonder what she'll be angry with next. She is "in love" with the guy - 9 years her junior, and wants to get in a position to see him. So being stuck 'in limbo' as she puts it drives her crazy. I know it doesn't do me any good either, my heart is held together with bandaids. I just want to put my arms around her.
She frames everything as in she was in a bad marriage when it comes to talking to me or her friends. But when i slip and snoop I find the real evidence. She has fallen for him, and him her. Its the real reason she can't devote to us. Not because of any 'fundemental issues' between us.
It hurts so bad, i'm not sure what to do next. There were a lot of positives in our relationship recently, and my wife saw them, and then one night she just laid it out straight. I think in her heart she sees how good I am, and she likes being with me. But, with all the time we spent together, she tried to force herself to think about staying together and it made her 'sick'. I need to give her lots of space. I guess i need the space too.
I'm getting to the point where i'm just angry. She betrayed me and our family due to her selfish desires. She took her vows of for better or for worse for granted. She thinks she has a perfect life of happiness ahead of her once she moves. She wants to move, she thinks life will be better, then i'm going to let her. But i'm not making it easy. If she wants out easy, i want 60% and she can have whats left.
You should talk to your church friends if you need the support. If its not meant to hurt her, then she will just have to deal with it. Do whats best for you, not for her.
