I have been exactly in your place and I know how bad it hurts. Take your time going down the divorce path. Do what you have to do to protect yourself but divorce doesnt have to be the end result if even you are the only one that wants it to work at this point.
My husband carried on seeing the OW on and off for two years!!!. It at times was pure hell but in the long run it was me,our life and the 19 years of marriage that survived. He worked with the OW everyday so you can imagine it was difficult to put his feelings for her behind him when she was in his face everyday and boy she did play the sympathy card many many times. It wasnt until after he quit the job that things really started to fade and even then it took almost6 months. Its been one year now since she is out of his life and I feel better every day.
You can and will survive without him so that is the most important thing to remember. Do your best to get things in order for yourself and take care of the children. You can be cooperative and pleasant to him but beyond that you need to do whats right for you.
Today he may be talking about divorce and two days from now he might be talking about your life together. He will continue to bounce back and forth that I am sure of.
Do what you can to resist contacting the OW. I know from experience that all this does and let the OW know that you are focusing on her and that gives her satisfaction and power. Nothing is gained by contacting her and she will tell your H at some point you called. Dont give her any control over you.
Hang in there. Its not going to be easy but it will get better.
