UD,
You say that you're unable to control yourself around your H at times. What happens? Look back on those events and think about what happens in your head. What are the triggers, thoughts, and feelings your have? If you can bring these into awareness, then the solutions will be more apparent.

I think acceptance of where the M is at, will also be helpful. It sounds like you're going to make the shift away from a Piecing mindset to one that is more appropriate for your situation.

CL

CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching