New here from MLC board - Need Advice

[peaceful_spirit]

Thanks for the support. I am just now more convinced than ever that H has somethign else going on. This is not just a case of someone who has an A and is trying to rebuild his M.

Last week, i found a TM from OW saying somethign about how they had just had lunch. I FLIPPED. I threw H out. Said a whole bunch of other things like OW will never be gone, etc... He said it meant nothing, blah, blah. Of coruse he had lied about it, too.

So a day later, he came back and said he just wants our M and he watns to live a happy life. He said he'll work on not lying. Said OW will be gone. But frankly, I've heard it all before. Thsi pattern has repeated over and over again.

So reluctantly, I let him back in. I asked him if he'd agree to get evaluated for somethign, becuase his behaviors are not normal. He also takes quite a liking to gambling. So, he agreed, but said he didn't think they'd find anything. I asked if he'd be willing to switch therapists to one who is a cognative behavioral therapist, rather than the traditional "talk it out" therapist he is going to now. He said yes.

But as the week/weekend progressed, I got more and more upset. So, yesterday, I did bad DBing. I cried and yelled about how I'm sick of it all. I want him to call OW and cut contact, but he wno't do it. This lead to a conversatino. He said that eventually he won't want to talk to her anymore. I can't recount the entire conversation, but a few other things he said were, "somethigns I do things and I don't know hwy I do them". And I asked him why he saw OW, he said, "I don't know".

I feel that he has impulse control problems and I don't know what to do anymore. I know that after yesterday's conversation, he is withdrawn again. He doesn't like anything taht is hard and he will do whatever he can to avoid doing "hard". He wants "easy". It has been a year that he's been saying that he'll end contact with OW, and still he has not. They TM and talk and apparently have lunch.