Hey MC - I think the flower thing was good. You can do little "experiments" like that and see what her reaction is. If it's good, do something like it again; if it's negative or neutral, try something else! I think you are striking a good balance already. And, of course she wants you to go to the wedding. Who wouldn't want to go with a studly hot date like you??! Great excuse to go out looking your best.
Thanks Olive. I will really need to have my head straight. It will be hard for me to see a room full of people for the 1st time since the seperation. I know I am the "wronged" party and am able to hold my head high, but it is still uncomfortable.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
For sure you are going to have to get yourself mentally prepared for that. What's hard for me is having everyone look at me and I know they are thinking how stupid I am for "putting up" with my H's A. People are judging us as well as our S's. It'll be hard but you're one tough dude
Well, very few know about the A, her immediate family (Mom, dad B,S) know about the A. So that part is easier, but I know and will want to dance with CW, but I am sure that she will not. Oh well, I will just have to smile and wave. It is a couple weeks away, and things are so fluid and changing.
On a strange note, CW was going to work for a while today, for some sort of appreciation lunch and to help out. I figured it was to see the FOM. She told me this AM that she isn't going in, and I know tubby is there today.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I hope that you still ask her to dance. I bet that she would be disappointed if you didn't. Just check the expectations at the door.
And, who cares if she sees Tubby today. He's such a loser compared to you that you should hope that your W is seeing him so that she realizes more and more every day how lucky she is to have you. So.. THERE!!
If she wants back in, she'll let you know. The only danger here is for you to start chasing again. In my opinion, err on the side of too much distance, not too little.
The only danger here is for you to start chasing again. In my opinion, err on the side of too much distance, not too little.
As usual, Theoden is right!
MC, IF you go to the wedding, ask your CW to dance. Regardless of whether she says yes or no, strike up a conversation with other women and ask them to dance too. Have fun!
I got to do some latin dancing over the weekend at some friends house (with some Latinas ) and it really did my PMA some good. Their Ss were there, so it was innocent, but still FUN! My CW never has liked to dance. Maybe a bad sign from the start? Anyway, it is not about them, but rather US!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Help me out here folks....I sometimes lose perspective on pursuing and end up chasing/pursuing without intending to. Last night when I picked S6 up after hunting, we chatted very briefly and I left. I wanted to ask her out for a beer but resisted.
I plan to lay low as far as contact with her goes for a few days. Am I ok to ask her out to a movie Sat? There is a movie coming out that we both think will be funny.
Is the pursuing more how I handle our encounters or is it volume of encounters?
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
MC, your thread is so long I couldn't possibly read everything. So I read the first one, then the 7th and this one. It does seem that our situation is somewhat similar except your W is my H.
I will try to follow your thread more often. I also have problem expressing my feelings and I believe I did not care for h so much before. So for me, the 180 is showing more affection, which I think is also one thing that your W complains about. Instead of going dark, I try to be more proactive and initiate more outings. You have to be VERY CAREFUL here though not to push. Something which keep me in check: - don't force the outing. Let's say, if there is an hour "window" between the kids' practice, or whatever, "why not go for a cup of coffee?" is good. But asking her out for coffee when you are trying to cut her off from FOM is bad. - don't expect ANYTHING. When you two go out, it's for some fun. Don't expect her to thank you. Say, "Hey, I think the movie is funny. Don't you think <that part of whatever> is great?" Try to avoid asking, "Did you have a good time WITH ME?" that may or may not push her away. I don't know. - For my h (male), I need to give him a break after some outings. Time spent with you is great because that's time away from FOM. However, you cannot keep doing this because I am pretty sure your W will feel pressured. Consider letting go after asking her out a couple of times. Then wait for her to initiate. - GAL. Go do something else, something new. She may miss you, or she may not. But you will have some interesting topic to talk to her next time you "date"
Basically it is a great balancing act. You want her to have good times with you, to have those good "new" memories. At the same time, go have a good time yourself by doing things without her, with your coworkers, with your friends. It will make an impression on her that "it's good to be with you, not so good when you are not around." As with FOM, ignore him. He really is NOT the problem. Gotta go now. will post when I get more time. take care
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
Oh well, I will just have to smile and wave. It is a couple weeks away, and things are so fluid and changing.
) and it really did my PMA some good. Their Ss were there, so it was innocent, but still FUN! My CW never has liked to dance. Maybe a bad sign from the start? Anyway, it is not about them, but rather US!