Your post has really struck a chord with me as I feel exactly the same way! Maybe it is an inevitible part of the piecing process and not faults with us. I too have felt myself returning to the "old" me who H left and have been very afraid he will leave again. We have had a talk and whilst H agreed he had slipped back again too he said it was in reaction to me slipping back to the old me - so my fault again then!
I'm trying to find inside me what made me more confident too. It seems we both have exactly the same problem again. Although I think one of the problems for me is that I'm starting to wait for H to be off work to do things again whereas before I was just getting out there and doing it so I'm going to start taking H to work so I can have the car again.
I have been feeling the way you describe for about six weeks and am just starting to feel a little better and happier that H is here to stay.
All I can offer in way of help is to try to think what was different about your days when H wasn't there. If you're like me you may find you've stopped doing some of the things you did to occupy your time and could srart doing them again. Have you talked to H about it? I started conversation with mine by saying I felt I was slipping back to the old person and didn't want to and what did he think. I think you're right about feeling under pressure with H around. I sometimes feel I can't just be myself and complain about something if it is bugging me. I sometimes get tired of keeping my mouth shut.
I hope these little suggestions help you I know they're not much. Good luck UL I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you. IP
