My Marriage feels helpless III

[andyv]

ERC,

I am finding the same problem with my W.

Mate, you probably have to back of completely now. I don't think the discussions you are having are working with your W.

It appears that after you discuss any R talk with her, she becomes pro-active in wanting to seek closure quickly (moving, divorce etc).

Have you noticed a change when you don't discuss these things with her? Does she stop talking about closure and moving on?

I have been guilty of the same thing. The more I back off and do not question or discuss R talk, the more comfortable she becomes and she doesn't discuss divorce, selling house etc.

As soon as I backslide, W starts talking divorce, selling house, custody etc.

I had a bad backslide yesterday (re OM) and she was virtually packed ready to move out.

I calmed things down, told her I would not question or discuss R with her, told her that I just wanted us to be kind and considerate for each other and DD, and that we should not rush the sale of the house until market picked up, and that I was stressed and exhausted about talking about divorce.

She agreed with me and we ended it there. Last night and this morning things have been smoother.

I have to take the advice I am giving you and put it to practice as well.

I reckon if you back of completely, your W will "slow" down any plans to move etc.

Mate, give it a go, please. See what happens.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
Good luck buddy,
AndyV.