I'll Never Be Alone

[Creed]

Mermaid, Laughing and Karen..
You can't believe the feeling of warmth and 'family' I had reading your responses. I do miss not being here as much as in the beginning..and feeling the sense of understanding and compassion that you all are so great in sharing.

Over the Hill Gang...LMAO!! Wouldn't it be great if that's what it is called? But you know what? That's what I'M going to call if at anytime one of the boys bring it up! I doubt very much that it is a team made up of his age-group. There aren't too many 50-somethings that have the energy or reason at the end of a working day..let alone the 'good' knees. Heck, he was complaining about his knees hurting before he ever left home! Me? I'm kind of hoping he gets an ache or two..would serve him right. Yes..replay..big time. A dear friend said that it sounds like he's a very sad/lonely boy, and no amount of Twinkies can/will change that. Perhaps she's right. I've always prayed that he'd have a very large void in his life until he filled that void with what he really needed in his life..and that can't be given by any person/place/thing. That has to come from within and beyound. I think he's always had an empty place in his soul, and foolishly I kept trying to fill it for him. Can't do that. So he's on this journey supposedly fulfilling all his lifelong desires and needs. He may find that he still feels empty-handed in the end.

I love s with all my heart, but he has been a heartache emotionally and financially the past couple of years. I have to practice some tough love with him, or he'll drag me down with him. And it has to start the first day that he starts living here. He already knows that I love him and am here for him..but he also has to know that I won't put up with lies and foolishness..that he has to start 'growing up', and quit thinking the world with magically take care of him and straighten out the messes he gets himself into.

How have all of you been? I'm so out of the loop. I'd love for all the old-timers to post on here, and fill me in on how they're doing. So many names aren't here anymore..do they come back and lurk like I do, I wonder?

I still have no social life, but my work schedule is like a rollercoaster, and getting on here with any regularity just seems impossible most days. Hopefully something will change on that front, but I'll still be lurking if not. May have to start a new thread, this ones is looking a little strung out and may be locked soon.

I guess if I can say anything about what I've noticed through all of this ..right through the divorce and since...is that all the signs still lead to a person struggling to recapture youth and missed opportunities that marriage/family/home stole from him. And I still see a person that is clueless as to what they've done, what they've missed, and what they've got to face in the future. So for new posters...if your intuition is telling you it's MLC, I'd tend to tell you to believe your gut feeling..and then step back, because there isn't much you can fix except yourself, and your own life. You can't 'fix' the spouse. He isn't on this journey alone..he/she has millions of other travellers going down the same path, making the same choices and mistakes, leaving the same damage and destruction along the way. And eventually the majority reach the destination, and probably wonder how the heck they got there..and why they took the trip in the first place, because the grass there isn't looking any different than the grass they left behind!!(Except maybe much more used by previous lost souls!!) I would imagine there are some very stinking weeds there too.

Love to you all..please be kind to yourselves, and thank you for being there for me through all of this. You all are part of the silver lining I found passing through my personal storm and beyond.