When's it my turn?

[Rob1231]

Hi SD,

I'm very sorry the other night went so poorly for you. You are a wonderful, exciting, amazing woman who deserves better treatment.

First of all, about that night, I do wonder if there is sometimes truth to the old saw about Men have sex in order to feel love, and women need to feel love in order to want sex? Is it possible that, as badly as he's acting on this notion, he really is trying to get closer to you? I know you say it wasn't ML, and how bad you felt - but did H clue into any of that? Or did he roll over and go to sleep, thinking all was right with the world?

He doesn't understand and thinks all should be just wonderful since he decided to recommit. I guess he's freaking perfect and ought to be worried 'round about Easter time. Just because I wasn't the WAS doesn't mean I was happy or didn't have problems with him in the M.

Here's a question. Now, I'm just exploring an idea here - I'd say kick this thought around before you go right out and do this. But... what if you dropped a bit of a bomb on him?

I think back to the days before my bomb. Sure, somewhere deep down, I knew things weren't great. Sure, somewhere deep down, I knew I wasn't trying enough. But it took the bomb to shake me out of complacency and into action. Honestly, I don't know that anything much more "gentle" or much less drastic would have put me on the path I am on now. Certainly, not with the same fervor!

I guess I'm focusing on the statement He doesn't understand and thinks all should be just wonderful here. It sounds like he really doesn't get it how serious this stuff is to you, and how much potential trouble he and the M are in here. Maybe it's time to make that much more clear to him?

If H is blowing off the homework from the MC, I'd say it's time to call him on it. I agree with Dana, it's time at last for him to get in the game. You did all the hard work for a long, long time and got things to the point where he said he would recommit. OK, fine - maybe at the place you have reached, commitment doesn't just mean Gee, I guess I'll stick around after all. Maybe now commitment means I commit to work to become the husband you want and deserve. Get busy, buster!