The enmeshment stuff is something good to work on with your C. I don't have time to post much these days, so I can't say much more. Reading PM (Passionate Marriage) might be useful.
But, think about your behavior in the house. If I was living with someone who didn't tell me where they were going or wouldn't let me ask whether something had been taken care of, I'd feel like I was living with a teenager -- someone in a very reactive place. I don't follow your sitch closely, so I don't know all the dynamics between you and W. So, I don't know if that replies. But to me, it would be less reactive to tell W when you go out and when you expect to be home and how she can get in touch with you in case of emergency (unless, I guess, if she doesn't do the same for you. but, kids are involved, yes? so it seems you should have an idea of each other's schedules for their sakes). So, for instance, you could just say, "I'm going out in about 1/2 an hour for the rest of the day. I expect to be back by 9pm. If you need me, I'll have my cell." Or, if she is asking you about some household matter, "W, that is not something I am putting on my to do list right now, I have too many other priorities." or "W, I know that is important and it is on my to do list. I expect to get to it in the next week, if my priorities don't shift." or "W, fyi, I took care of so and so." The point here is to just report what you want about yourself without trying to manage W.
