Need another opinion, is my W OM, friend or more?

[andyv]

All my nightmares have came true yesterday.

Major backslide. I kept asking W for the truth re: OM and how far their relationship had progressed.

Reason for backslide was that she did not come home on Sat night, and crept in close to midnight on Sunday. DD and I had not seen her all weekend.

On Mon morn, she sounded cheery on the phone, and when asked how she felt, she said "Good". Normally she says she is "Alright".

She told me that she stayed at her sisters. With her happy mood change, I expected the worst (I know, I am an idiot and should not have overanylized).

I have not snooped for several months, but for some reason decided to have a look at my cell bill online (both home and mobile are linked, I have given W key to PO box to retrieve bill and give me cover page to pay, not call list as she did not want me to know any of her calls).

One call on Saturday night at 11pm from OM's house (suburb that he lives in), then another one at 10:30am on Sun morning, then another few between 2pm and 7pm Sun night (all calls to her family and friends, none to OM).

There is no way W would be up at her sis house that early (normally sleeps till 11am on Sun after night out), and then get dressed and drive 40 minutes to OM's house, so she must have slept there.

I probably should have left it there (and not looked at bill). But I needed to know. I called her Mon afternoon at work and pretty much "pushed" her into telling me that OM was not just a friend but they were in a relationship.

She got angry and said "Okay, if that is what you want to hear, then I am in a relationship with him, now you need to move on".

Her cousin rang me and told me off, for everything. She told me that this OM is someone special in her life that has gotten her through all the pain with what was happening to us, and that they have done nothing wrong, and he was her best friend and they love being together, as only friends.

The thing that hurts is that she said that if I approached the sitch differently, and given her the space she asked back in Feb07, we would probably have been together now. But with my persistant questioning and calling family and friends, and telling them everything, that I have caused irepairable damage.

It seems that any little thing I do wrong is blown out of proportion, and is told to everyone (by my W), painting me as the villian, but she will not tell anyone all the kind and considerate things that I have done whilst we have been going through this. Plus she does not tell them anything about her "activities", which has a lot to do with my reactions.

W came home with girlfriend after Kickboxing, and I cooked dinner for them both, and acted as if nothing had changed (re telephone convo about OM earlier).

We were all relaxed, W seemed pleasant, both thanked me for lovely meal. W made me coffee. Then girlfriend left and W went to bed whilst I stayed up to help DD with an assignment due the next day (DD got up at 10:15pm after remembering she forgot, and was pretty distressed).

I stayed up with DD and we finished assignment at around 10:45pm. W whispered out across the hall as I lay in my bed a "thank you" for helping DD finish.

But I guarentee that the next time she talks to family and friends, she will not mention any of this, but will probably tell them that I harrassed her on the phone earlier in the day.

Sorry for the long post, I just feel like sh*t and needed to type it down.