Only time for a quick post - I just got back from Ireland last night.
Anyway, Patience, Patience, Patience.
That said, not that moving out is always the best thing - I'll tell you I would NOT have gotten to where I got without it. I NEEDED to be away from the mood swings, etc. and allowed to focus solely on ME and by boys. This gave me that opportunity. One thought might be that you grab some newspapers or an apartment guide and leave it in your car (but somewhere the kids won't find it) and let the W see it. Might give her that sense of reality....
But more importantly, be patient....
Try and have a great holiday weekend.
Sven
Thanks Sven!
Yesterday while driving to a holiday get-together, a friend called. I answered not expecting anything but a hey whassup? type call. He let me know that he is D'ing his W within 30 days. She has been a WAW for about 3 years. He's had enough. Classic WAS response when the moving truck showed up, "what is this all about? What do you mean you're moving? I don't have a job, what will I do?" He told me she was following him around the house with these questions as he was loading stuff. The last thing he did as she was asking him what she is going to do since she has spent the last 3 years telling him how much she can't stand him and just wants a D, but has yet to get back into the workforce, was sign some paper the laborer needed signed from the realty company verifying that they had installed a HUGE for sale sign and he was happy with the placement.
He said it was a classic Gone With the Wind moment. It finally hit her that everything she had been asking for was happening, and not on her terms. She said one more time, "what am I going to do?" He said, "I don't give a damn, you can only tell someone to f-off in word and deed for so long before they respond".
My W heard the whole conversation due to it being a cell phone in a small car. My friend is also a loud talker. He basically started firing from the git-go so I had no way to interrupt him and tell him 'now isn't a good time'. LOL.
W had a weird look on her face and was noticeably down for quite some time. I think it was a little to close to home for her. I found out later that she has told MIL that she doesn't know how she can do it, she can't stay and she can't go and she doesn't know if she can ever be what she is supposed to be for me. FIL related this as I was driving him to the airport today.
In the past I would have jumped all over this, yeah! I have hope! Today I just felt sad for her. I felt bad that she feels trapped, that she doesn't know what she wants and can't seem to get her head clear. That's a real shame because she is a great person. She had a blast yesterday at the get-together. Lots of old friends were there and lots of good food and wine. We were there until the wee hours, laughing and catching up. There was a time where the majority of her waking hours were just like that, fun, carefree and filled with friends. Now it seems her thoughts are consumed with how much her life sucks.
Sorry, but I just can't do the angst thing any longer. For my part, I am clear, finally after a year of trying to DB I get it. It really is about fixing us. Not the R, definitely not them, but fixing us, getting in touch with who I am, not who I am as it relates to her, but who I am period.
Over the last few weeks I have truly resolved this issue within my head. W has definitely noted this and the feedback from those around confirms the confusion/ambiguity this has caused in her. Although I'm glad to hear this as it confirms that the effort I'm putting into improving myself is evident, I really am not putting too much more emphasis on it than just that. To be honest, I feel the same way about hearing that as I do about a comment one of my daughters classmates made the other day during the field trip, she said to my D9, "whoa, your dad is buff". I just thought, cool, my hard work is paying off in that it is noticable even wearing a loose fitting shirt. Several of the moms there to help as well, asked me questions regarding diet and exercise. Pretty cool and I have to admit a bit of an ego stroke.
I don't know if that makes sense or not but that is about how it affects me to hear that W is wavering. I don't go through the mental and emotional gymnastics I would have a few months ago. Now I just think, cool my hard work is paying off in that my changes are evident, it really is becoming hardwired, I can't wait to see where I am in a few more years of even greater effort.
The significance? A few months ago I would have thought, I can't wait to see where we are after a few more months of this effort.
We were there until the wee hours, laughing and catching up. There was a time where the majority of her waking hours were just like that, fun, carefree and filled with friends. Now it seems her thoughts are consumed with how much her life sucks. 
