Me: 29, W: 29, and D3. My W and I separated in early March. I quickly ran out and bought DB and DR along with Stop Your Divorce. I have read these books religiously and have followed the advice.
I started to become upset because my W was always giving me a hard time about what I was doing. My W stated that she wasn’t happy that I golfed on the weekends with my uncle. My W stated that she wanted me to go less and wake up with her and D3 in the mornings. I did do that and I also gave up weekends to go up north to her parent’s cabin. I have to admit that I was a little selfish with my time. But I wanted to do things to make myself happy due to my stressful field of work. I viewed this as taking my own happiness into my own hands. Things started to get bad because she would always blame me for everything. When arguing, she would say hurtful things that I would consider hitting below the belt. I would always apologize when I was wrong. We have had a lot of sadness this past year. My wife was pregnant two times. We wanted a baby so bad. The first one was a tubal and the last one was a misread.
My W didn’t like the fact that I work in a field dominated with females. She started to search through my car and constantly ask me all kinds of questions. My W thought that I was seeing someone at work. I assured her that I was not. At the time, I was just feeling so pressured and this drove me further away. I finally got to the point to where I had to have some space. My W made threatening comments like; I will need a court order to see D3. This pissed me off. I was determined to leave after hearing that. I told her that was uncalled for and I just need some time to think. I felt that we needed a break. I took a suitcase with some clothes to my parent’s house. My W started calling my relatives and telling them about all of the mistakes that I have made recently. It was embarrassing and I was pissed off. I asked my W to please stop calling them and that everything is going to be okay, I just need some time to think. She was sending me a lot of argumentive e-mails to my job and I asked her to please stop because I didn’t want the entire office to know our business. Our e-mails are not confidential. She then called her family and told them what was going on and that I left the house. I then received a voice mail from her father all upset. I just felt like I was being pushed further away from all of the pressure. W said that we need to go to church and get into counseling. I told her that I don’t want to do it right now.
I was gone for about two weeks. I was always seeing D3 as much as I could, usually 4 times a week. I called my W on the phone from work one day and she said that she is done. She said that I left them and I wasn’t willing to work on the R when she wanted to. She said she is done. I suggested that we go into counseling. She said she was willing to go last week, but now she doesn’t want to go. I thought that was weird.
I can honestly say that it has been 6 weeks since I have tried to have any serious R talk with her. She asked me to let her go and said that she is moving on with her life in early April. I agreed and told her I will do that. I am not breaking any DB rules. I am not snooping, contacting relatives, and no R talk. D3 has been saying that she wants to go to the circus, so my W suggested that we go together in a month. I bought 3 tickets and she said she is still going to go. W asked me if she could go on vacation with D3 and her brother, sister-in-law, and niece in June for the weekend to go to Disneyland. I quickly, said sure happily. I have given my W space and I do not pressure her at all. I have been keeping busy GAL. I have been golfing, going out with friends, went out of town for a weekend. I am trying to ‘act as if’ I am okay with everything. There have been a few times when I am picking up D3 that my wife is crying. For Mother’s Day, D3 picked out a card and butterfly wind chimes for her mom. I also bought a friendly card and signed, your friend. I didn’t want to put any pressure on her at all. My W said that D3 has been asking for me to live with them and spend the night.
Any advice from everyone would be greatly appreciated!
