It is Hard to Take Baby Steps

[Concerned_Listener]

UD,
The title of your thread highlights exactly what you're struggling with. Your thread could also be titled, "It is Hard to Be Patient, or Face My Pain, or Feel Unloved, or Be Disappointed."

I'm so glad that you post on these boards. Your writing is a way of facing your pain. Now if we could get you to feel your pain without judgment, and just be with it. Ignore the drama in your head; just be with the feelings.

I wouldn't end the M at this time. A decision to D should not be made with emotion, but in a position of strength, where you've considered it for a long time, while working on your own happiness.

You've only been separated for a few months. I think a separation needs at least six months to allow charged emotions to settle. You rushed into a Piecing mindset too quickly. Your M is not yet in Piecing.

Try not to take his actions personally. He is not trying to hurt you. He is lost, wounded, confused, and disconnected from himself. He has to find his way to his heart. He has to let his confusion settle, so that he can get some clarity. You need to give him the space to accomplish that.

Keep writing to us. This is part of the healing process. Don't become invested in your judgments and opinions. They are created by your pain, and reflect the state you're in.

The hope is eventually you will transform grievance into self-love, and compassion for your H. Self-love is lost right now in your pain. You will need to discover the love you have within you, even when your H is not capable of providing you with his love at this time.

This is the greatest lesson for all LBS's.

CL