OT hit this right on the head. Your W is not ready to confront the fact that she has real issues. She is not ready to see that she had any part in breaking up your marriage.
She is not ready to face it. Will she ever be? I do not know, but you are still trying to "force" the issue.
I still see a lot of anger and resentment in your writing. I know these things are not easy to deal with.
At this point, giving her a list of what she "has to" do to save this M will probably end it. If that is truly what you want, and what you need, then you have to move forward.
I will be honest with you, you do not want to save your M. Your old M is dead. Leave it dead! You need to see this as starting a new R, and possibly M with your W.
Do you need a C, abosultely, for yourself. Does she need one, I have little doubt from what you have posted, but she has to do this on her own terms, not as an ultimatum. The fact that she wants to plan a vacation at this point speaks volumes. She is not ready to confront her deamons or issues. She wants to run from them and hope they go away. We all know that does not happen.
You need to do what is best for you Sol. My H and I tried for 18 months to move past my A's. We could not go anywhere. He has recenlty told me, he was unable to try because he always had the "why should I bother" attitude.
He still has that attitude, he can not forgive me. I do not expect his forgiveness for me, but I wish he could for himself. To get him out of the anger and hate he has.
We are separating this Tuesday (my new place is almost ready). To top ot all off, he told me this weekend, he has fallen in love with another woman, within a two week timeframe. They speak over the net and e-mails, and she actually called him this weekend.
That whole story is in the We are separated section.
