Last night my H and I talked. It was not an easy conversation.
I told him that I love him, regardless of what happens with this other woman. He is moving forward with whatever he has with this other woman. I wanted to beg and plead with him to stay, to try to work on us...
But what would that accomplish? Nothing. I tried to be strong and not cry, but that did not work so well.
He is blind by love at the moment. He thinks this person is "the one" because they are so similar....
My H is 35, she is 22... She lives in the southern states, we live in Canada.
He now beleives the other two women he fell in love with was preparing him for this moment in his life. He said somethings that were very heartbreaking to me personally, but I could see his happiness in his eyes, I could see how this woman has changed him in such a short time...
Maybe they are meant to be together, who knows.
I am trying not to let my brain and thoughts of despair get the best of me. I have already invisioned them meeting, falling madly in love and him gone from me, forever.
Trying not to think these things, but as we all know it is hard. He needs to do this, he needs to find out if what he feels is true. He needs to explore it.
All I could tell him, was I will suport you as much as I can, and that I hope he finds happiness in whatever he decides.
The one I truly feel sorry for is her H. He is a very jealous man and she will not tell him how she feels about my H. She is keeping it a secret. He will be blindsided, and by the time he knows of this, he will either be in Iraq, or getting ready to leave. He will be gone for 18-24 months. I pray for him.
Of course I played devils advocate with my H and told him her H has a right to know. BEFORE he leaves. It would not be fair to him in the least to get the "letter" while overseas. He said it was not the time to tell him anything yet, because it was so new.
They have a 1 year old daughter, and apparently, their marriage is not going well either. She is a very religious woman, and now is willing to throw away her beliefs, and her marriage.
I guess I just wasn't ready yet to hear all of this. I was still dealing with the separation. I will be fully moved into my new place tomorrow.
I made too many mistakes in my M. I neglected my H from the begining of the M, then to add insult to injury, completly loose my morals and have 4 affairs (3 sexual, 1 not). I broke every promise to him. To keep his heart safe, to be faithful, to put him first. I blew it all.
This morning I gave him the only thing I could...Forgiveness.
I told him I forgive him, for everything that has happened. The EA's, the rejection, whatever he felt that he did wrong, it was all forgiven. I did not want him to go into this new situation feeling guilt.
I am still a pretty big mess today, but not as bad as yesterday, and hopefully I will be a little stronger tomorrow.
Thank you for the e-mails UA and Jazz. I will probably be using them very soon...
