I didn't forget about you...been thinking of how your W might be feeling about all of this...my gut tells me she might have felt a bit betrayed that you didn't share this part of your life with her before now...and especially since she was paying the price for it all along in your drinking...part of me also says that she is confused on how to handle this...confused on viewing you as a victim...but also a willing participant (although I believe a teenager is not really capable of understanding the scope of all that is going on especially in these situations)...
Question...the lady who came in to be interviewed...was it HER? or just the name that brought back the haunting memories?
You see my H has dropped a lot on me...I knew of his abusive childhood...I didn't know he was forced to participate in the rape of his own sister...when he was only 5 years old!!!...I also didn't know that he was subject to sexual abuses from other males at this time either...I have had to hold it together...having been in a situation sort of like your own...not exactly...but putting myself in situations where I was taken advantage of my older men as a teenager...I think this helped me to deal with what my H has disclosed...if your W has not experienced an abuse of this type in her life she may find it very difficult to understand...it would be good if she would go to counseling but aside from that there are books out there...I know I am supposed to get one that my H's therapist recommended that I read...it is written for the abused...but it gives insight for those closest to the ones recovering...
Drug use, alcohol addictions and the like rarely happen to people who have led a "charmed" life...it usually occurs out of some sort of deep pain from some sort of abuse...usually someone close but in your case it can be just someone who should have known better then to "use a child" for their own sick gratifications...my H still feels deep deep guilt about his sister (even though he realistically understands he was also a victim and the situation was not within his control due to his very very young age) ...of this particular event his sister has no recall of it (she is a recovered drug addict...she does remember abuses just not that one)...I also suspect that their older brother who is a very serious alcoholic is repressing his own demon memories...again, I feel empathy for him even though I don't like his drinking and how he acts...I know he is broken...but only HE can start to fix himself...
You have taken the most important step...hopefully your wife will realize this...you have reached out for help...you are trying to heal that deep hurt...you are broken and trying to mend the cracks of your soul...this is the hardest part...and you have done it...hopefully someday she will be able to understand the past that she didn't like (alcoholic H) and appreciate what it took for you to step up and seek help...
