My wife is falling in love with OM - help.

[MonicaP]

Hi nextstep ~
I can completely relate to your sitch. Detaching (with love) is the only way to go with our WAS'! I've been S for 18 mos now after H revealed his EA (now PA) and dropped the bomb "I'm just not happy". We have a S4.5 and his behavior came entirely without warning. I'm not saying we didn't have our problems, but I truly believed he would never leave me. I thought we would work through everything. Anyway, it took me a few months to find DR and then to begin to detach. I think I've really only been able to detach for the past 6 months and I feel SO MUCH BETTER! I see H twice a week when he is w/ S4.5 - he uses my home for his visits because he lives too far away. Usually I am out while he's here, but occasionally our time overlaps. He will often try to start a conversation - about work usually - and I just go about my business and nod and say mm-hmm. I've been doing this for a while now and I think it is having a positive effect. Well, I know it helps me because I don't get caught up in his drama and I spend a lot less time wondering and fantasizing about what he's up to. I have really been able to GAL. It's not that I don't still hope and pray that - if it's meant to be - that H will remember our life and love together and want to at least TRY. I just think it will take a miracle, but I DO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES. I think my detaching is making him wonder. He asked me last week if I could get a babysitter this coming week so that we can talk. I asked him if he had anything important to say right then but he said no. He said he just thinks it's a good idea to do every once in a while and that he haven't talked in so long. DUH! Of course we haven't, what the h--- to we have to talk about except for our S4.5 and we do that fine through email. I told him I would think about it.

I honestly feel better when he's not around. He is just such a negative and dark cloud. I do anything and everything I can to support his R with S4.5 and I made feelings known (like your letter) in the beginning months....now it's all in God's hands.

If H were to come to me and ask to TRY - meaning he'd have to leave Ow - and was totally genuine about that decision...I would still try. In the meantime, I'm moving on with my life. I finally started the process of filing for child support/custody and I'm filing for LS. He can convert it to D if he chooses, but that will be ON HIM.

I'm sorry to ramble on - on your thread - I just hope it helps knowing that there's one more person out here that undertands what you're going through.

Hang in there. Practice patience. GAL. Love yourself and your children. Pray for your WAW.

Take care...