Roller coaster doesn't stop! I am trying so hard to deal with my emotions. I haven't initiated any contact with H, but responds when he contacts me. H texted me this morning and again just now. He sounded depressed. I suggested he get counseling for himself. Then I called my sister and told her I was worried because he sounded so depressed. I asked her to call him. She is a great listener, non judgemental,really likes H, and has been through a divorce herself.
Am I crazy, or what?!?! Why should I care if HE'S depressed? This was HIS idea!
The last couple of days H has texted me several times a day. (This is different, but he is back to work after a 3 week vacation). He continues to sound depressed. He tells me he is sad, but it sounds more than that to me. Earlier in the week we had talked about telling D16 that he wants a divorce when he returned from his 4 day business trip. I am not sure how to ask him if we're going to do that tonight. I would like to say let's wait until we are both in a better frame of mind, but he'll probably just say I am procrastinating. Still wish this was all a bad dream!
Should I say we might need a longer separation to sort things out? Six weeks is such a sort time when we are talking about 30 years of marriage! Or is he sad/depressed because this isn't happening fast enough?????
Matilda, Maybe moving closer to the reality of a D is what he needs to realize that it's not the answer to his problems. As long as he holds onto his idea of a D, than he can create his own fictional reality in his head.
A separation is useful when the parties are ambivalent about the R and need time to sort things out. He is invested in his version of D as the antidote to his problems. Let him experience the consequences of his avoidance. I don't think there's any other way.
It sure makes for more drama than you care to have, but I don't think there's any other way at this time. Put your raincoat on and prepare to get wet.
Let's hope he backs off on the D idea.
He's not in a position of strength to be making these kinds of decisions. I believe one gets a D when they realize that the other person is no longer willing to be a partner in the M, and they've made personal changes, and have given the other person ample time to turn things around. Your H is using D as an escape.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
H came over this evening and spent some time with D16. Then I invited him to go with me to walk our dog so we could talk alone. He seems to be in such pain and is so lonely! I will never understand why he thinks a divorce will help this situation. However, he said he did not want to be married any longer. We told our daughter. SHE comforted both of us!!! Guess I'll stop my dillusional thinking now and get busy figuring out my next step!
Matilda@ Don't really have any advise. Just thinking about you.
Being a "stupid husband" I want to help fix your problom but I can't. Sometimes I wish I could go up to yours and the other husbands of the women on this board and knock them up along side the head and say WHAT are YOU THINKNG..
My thoughts are with Ya
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Thanks for your thoughts, Husband and CL. Reality stinks!!! Dealing with certainty will eventually be better than the limbo land we were in, I know. Just wish I could skip the hard part!!!
Also, wish D16 didn't have to deal with the changes. Teenage years are difficult enough without this major disruption. She'll be fine, too. Just have to take those baby steps!
I agree the grass is always greener onthe other side. Here we eather have S that are acting like jerks. move out and do nasty things.
Or like you and I we are in a limbo. I know we have a beter chance with our S around but sometines I wish she would do something just to piss me off so I can get mad and get this over with. In two weeks my Son and I leave for a week for pour camping trip. I am writing a leter to my W and am planning (Although I alway change my mind) to give it to her before I leave. Basicly there will be no demands but I want to know were we ae and where we are going. Does she or does she not want to work on our relation ship. It's been two months and I do see progress but I want to know what she is thinking,I don't wantto be room mates.
talk to ya soon Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
