I haven’t been on here for a while or even browsed the postings. I guess I was trying to see if it would help me work some things out in my head by taking a step back and trying something different. I was hoping by trying not to focus on DB’ing it would help me heal some, but it hasn’t. I haven’t spoken to her for over a month now, which is a complete change from after that amazing week we had, when I thought we were on the road to reconciliation. I miss her dearly and wish life wasn’t like this. I guess deep down I thought that if I relaxed the initiation, she would show me that she does want it by calling. I have really fallen into a rut, and can’t seem to get myself out of it. I went out a couple times with some different women, but the entire time I can’t stop thinking about her, and every little thing I see reminds me of us. I have been dreaming about her almost every night for the past couple weeks, and those are sometimes the best moments of my day, then I wake up. The reason I think its so tough is because there was no major incident that caused the break up. Its almost like she is going through some sort of MCL. Probably hardest thing for me to comprehend is I always saw our relationship as an amazing one, with a few bad moments. But maybe she saw it as a bad relationship with a few good moments. That along crushes me. I’m not sure what to do from here on. Should I write her a letter laying everything out, and say that if she wants to write back that would be great, but if she doesn’t then I will take it as closure? I have been offered a great job in NYC, a place that I have always been striving for, but I’m not sure if I can just leave this how it is and walk away. I pray every night for strength to get through this, and help me, even if that means that we won’t be together, but it also seems that everything is pointing to us being together. My fear is that when she told me she needs more time and wants it to be right, I’m not sure how to take this. Are there any good forums on MCL’ers with that type of response? I hope everyone is doing good, Happy Memorial Day!
