NikkiB #15 (moving to Piecing)

[NikB]

JDK, ST, Oldtimer - thanks for posting!!

JDK
Thanks for asking! No racing this weekend. H only races about once a month, and our friend who races almost every Saturday has this week off. Next weekend H races again though, I think (gotta check the calendar).

ST
Yes thankfully they are MUCH fewer and farther between. Actually it's weird, about a month into the separation up until the last week or so the nightmares had pretty much stopped - not sure why they're back now. Maybe timing... I know things started "heating up" with the OW/PW in late May last year. We're starting to come up on a lot of "anniversaries" of painful things and maybe it's bothering me more than I thought it would. Or like you said, maybe now that the worst of the H "crisis" is over, I'm finally letting the anger come through. Dunno. I agree, the more the trust comes back the more the anger will most likely fade.

This really hit home to me:

In my O, it may not always be wise to let your anger out to your H, or to tell him how you feel, because some of what you feel is just a symptom and not realy true to you.

Yep makes complete sense, and I struggle with it a lot.

Oldtimer/ST
... and a continuiation of the above.. that's why I hesitated on bringing up the OW/PW thing again. I don't want to keep throwing it in his face all the time. I felt like after my big blow-up, I had said what I needed to say, and it was only fair to give him some time to process and react. I just didn't feel right bringing it up again so soon when he was kind of grumpy those couple of days. Thinking about it from his perspective I felt like it could come off as "Oh great so I do what you want me to do, and now I get bitched at for not doing it the right way.." If it happens again THIS week I will address it, but I felt ok about letting him slide being grumpy a few days (kind of the "he's teething" theory)... does that make sense??

I'll get the balance right one of these days.

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As for this weekend, just some journaling... has been a good weekend so far.

Friday night was the "Pimp and Ho" party and it was actually pretty fun. Kind of obnoxious theme but what the heck - might's well get into it if you're going to something that outrageous right?? Thursday night I helped H pick out a costume and get it all put together, and I finished mine up too. They turned out pretty good! Both fun costumes. It was pretty funny driving over to the party and watching people very carefully "not" look at us (but keep glancing over out of the corner of their eyes) the whole time, so we had fun with that. Party itself was ok.. I dunno, I really like all these people individually but never have that much fun with them as a group, for some reason. They're all really young and a pretty tight-knit group so I think I just don't really "click" with them that well (H doesn't really seem to either, but he does better just 'hanging out' in that kind of situation than I do). But in good news the OW wasn't there and never even came up, so yay for that!

Saturday I learned how to post a photo album to Myspace so I did that with the party pics - I feel so young and hip now... . H is all impressed too, "Wow we have a myspace?? All the kids at work have a myspace..." Kind of funny. I've had a page for a long time mostly so I could look up other people, but now I even have stuff on mine. How exciting..hehe. If anyone else is on there too I have a link to it in my profile here now. It's not very extensive but hey, it's something.. .

H and I also worked on a setup for his racecar so that we can use my digital camera to take movies from the dash (it's more complex than you'd think..). We've always kinda been a good team - he does the mechanical/hands on stuff (i.e. welding the camera mounting plate) and I do the tech/computer stuff (getting the movie to work on the PC) so we had a lot of fun with that.

Today catching up on chores, and I'm going over to BBQ with my dad and sis tonight. My dad's not doing well at all with his sitch so I hope we can have a break from it. He tends to dwell and be really negative so it's gonna take all the PMA I can muster to get him out of that. My poor sis gets bored to death because my dad just wants to sit and mope, so I'm hoping I can get us to do something fun. Dad already shot down a number of ideas so dunno... we'll see.

H went sailing with his dad today and they're spending the night on the boat. I was invited but decided not to go. It kinda seemed like an "obligatory" invite rather than a "really want you to go" invite - I actually asked H directly which it was and he was kinda vague, but I kinda took it to mean he'd rather have some time alone w/his dad. I also noticed he called his dad several times with me in the room to confirm, discuss details, etc. Kind of indirectly reassuring me that he really was going where he said he would, I think. I notice he does this a lot now if he has plans that I'm not going to - he calls to talk about it when I'm in the room (something he never did before).

I told him this morning "I'm getting spoiled having you here, I'll miss sleeping with you tonight!" and he very sweetly said "I know, me too - don't let the dog steal my spot." Thought that was cute.

I need to get back to planning some more GAL stuff I think, way too much free time this weekend, but all in all I'm realy happy with how things are going.

Hope everyone else is having a good holiday weekend!