It's pretty common for the "offending" S to want to escape any discussion of the A. To them going back to before feels kind of cleansing, I guess. One idea, if you want to try the talking apprach, is to talk about the future rather than the past (which he obviously won't talk about!). To talk about what you'd both like versus what is missing. You could also think about what made you feel really connected in the past, when were the good times, what were you doing and try to repeat some of those things. Try to forget all the "damage" that was done and look at where you want to go together. It sounds like you have "told" him about your sexual needs () and, just like a guy, he ignores you! Guess what, when you tell him what you need all he hears is "I'm not pleasing her, I've failed again" and turns off. I would recommend a book called "How to improve your M without talking about it" by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny. Many guys don't respond well to "let's talk about the R" or really any R talk! So this book discusses ways to create a connection with each other ways that don't make talking primary. I know for woman, talking about it is a must! Alot of us guys would prefer to lie on a bed of nails So, just a thought for you to ponder. BTW when my W was away last summer for three weeks, I loved it! It's always a well needed rest.
) and, just like a guy, he ignores you! Guess what, when you tell him what you need all he hears is "I'm not pleasing her, I've failed again" and turns off. I would recommend a book called "How to improve your M without talking about it" by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny. Many guys don't respond well to "let's talk about the R" or really any R talk! So this book discusses ways to create a connection with each other ways that don't make talking primary. I know for woman, talking about it is a must! Alot of us guys would prefer to lie on a bed of nails 
So, just a thought for you to ponder.