I appreciate your honesty SG but my H has never been one to "better me up" - what you see, is what you get pretty much.
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Ever since he saw her ... or ever since you started to put your foot down with regards to the cell phone? The two events happened in exactly the same time-frame.
He saw her almost 6 weeks ago, the cell bill incident was 2 weeks ago.
No, that's not correct. He saw her on April 30th. You had a tough discussion with him about the cell phone May 1st.
EDIT: Or maybe I misunderstood? The day he was gone and didn't call you (April 30th) wasn't the day he saw her?
If it happens again, you can tell me "I told you so" and I won't take offence. But, right now, is not the time for me to walk away
I won't say "I told you so". I admire you, and if you feel walking away isn't the right thing to do right now, I'll shut up and support you however I can.
It looks to me like he seriously shaped up after the trip, probably because you were seriously expecting and insisting on that from him. Keep it up and he might just behave himself from now on. Slack off, though, and I would put money on him going back to his old tricks.
Can you stand to be in that role, day after day for years? If so, go for it and you've got a pretty good shot.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
The emotion comes not from the connection with the OW but more with the kids.
Just one last thing, because I really don't get this .... so all the emotion was for the kids, and now all the emotion for the kids is gone, and everything in your R is better, because he no longer cares about the kids? I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I really don't understand.
This sich kind of reminds me of my FIL. He cheated on my MIL and left her for another woman and in some way he was able to rationalize it partially on the fact that the OW had been physically abused by her X. So it was kind of like the rescue of a more needy bunny justified the abandonment of the bunny at home who was less needy. I can't stand that kind of moral rationalization. Kind of guy who acts like an *sshole for years and then builds a stone wall for his church to get into heaven. Doing penance and purchasing dispensation is bullsh*t in my book. Throw them right in the cr*pper along with unconditional love for anyone you didn't house in your womb.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
No, the emotion is not gone about the kids. He has always felt sorry for the underdog of the world (particularly kids) and taken on responsibilities he shouldn't have (i.e. helping the under privileged - i.e. druggies. homeless and the like). Unfortunately, this was part of the problem that led to his depression and mental breakdown - his need to "fix the world" which in reality was him actually trying to fix himself, by making himself feel better (i.e less guilty for his past). He still feels sorry for the kids but now he realizes they are her problem, not his and that he can't fix the world.
He has not been sexually involved with OW for just over a year now, although he has called her and saw her numerous times during that year that I obviously was not aware of since I only found out for sure about her in December 2006. All the time he was giving her money for the kids. Whether anyone chooses to believe that other than me doesn't really matter because I do and that's the only person that has to believe it.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
The BIG difference between my H and your FIL is that my H had absolutely no intention of ever leaving me for the OW. His past longterm relationships with women have been solely for sexual use and nothing more. He did not have any other type of relationship with them other than sex. The female "friends" that he did have, he had no sexual relationship with. Women have always played one role or the other in his life, not both. That was until I came along and that is where he started to really have the problems because he had no idea whatsoever as to how to blend the two.
As weird as that sounds to a lot of people, including myself, the M/W complex fits him to a "T" and therefore, a lot of the DB techniques that work for so many on these boards does not work for men like mine and GEL's
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
No, the emotion is not gone about the kids. He has always felt sorry for the underdog of the world (particularly kids) and taken on responsibilities he shouldn't have (i.e. helping the under privileged -
I wonder if this could be more effectively and more safely channelled into a Big Brother type (or any other established mentoring organization) program in which *both* of you could participate?
