It was a really nice day and evening but it was a very rough night...
We had a nice time at my friends BBQ. They have two little boys ( 2 and 4 ) that my Son enjoyed playing with. My daughter played with them a little bit but she spent most of the time sitting with the three adults while we were chatting. We made sure she was included in the conversations.
Interestingly my friend’s wife at the same age as my Daughter elected to no-longer see her mother for similar reasons to my Daughter's. She said it was hard in a lot of ways but overall she felt better for it. She has since worked things through with her mother and they have developed a relationship.
As for the rest of the evening after we came home, I was exhausted I fell asleep in my recliner downstairs watching TV I didn’t want to but it was after 9 and my daughter was in her room having some Me time and my little guy went to bed. So I was alone and bored and tired which equaled ZZzzzzZZ
I got myself up about midnight and trudged up to bed… I went to sleep fairly well but at 3 am I woke up with these thoughts running through my head unable to shut them off or tune them out they keep rolling around in there and bothering me.
It’s something I feel like I want to say to my ex but I doubt it will help anything and just lead to fighting. (Cheeseless Tunnel)
“You need to realize the path you are on is leading inevitably to you moving away from here to be with your BF (he lives 1.5 hrs away) and if you do that you will be leaving your kids behind… I will not let you take them away from me… I will fight you tooth and nail with all of my heart and resources if you try…. you would have to switch to visitation of every-other weekend or something along those lines. I do not want to take the kids away from you but if I am given no choice I will fight for my rights and theirs.”
“You need to decide on a direction for your life you have children and their needs are a responsibility that you should be respecting. You need to have a purpose to your actions beyond what you do from one month to the next. You need to decide if you are a single women or a mother. It is possible to be both but not at the cost of what your children need.”
I write this out here just to get it out of my head… only in consideration that I might speak it not because I have chosen to. It just kept bothering me all night and I managed to dose a bit but no real deep sleep other then the bit in the recliner and the 3 hrs in my bed.
In regards to how I feel about the above information / speech / statement I am strongly considering putting the divorce through not because I want to be divorced from my Wife… but in the name of protection for myself and my children. I would rather work on my marriage but my Ex seems on all fronts determined not to regardless of what I hope.
So I am left asking myself the question what is the right thing to do. What is the right way to move forward. (As a note I feel much better now that I have written this out not that I know what I should do about it if anything)
