Need Veteran Piecer's Advice - desperately!!!

[Heartbroken]

Thanks so much Lin and OC!

I did fine last night until bed time - got soooo sad and had a hard time sleeping even with two advil PMs. I still got up and started my weightlifting program I have been trying to get started for 3 mos. now. The DB diet is kicked in again and I am down to 119. I ride an exercise bike 3X's a week and now I want to bowflex 3Xs a week and Sunday for rest.

I am happy with my shape - just need to get back to the toned muscles I had three summers ago!

H already emailed me this morning stating what the plans were for tonight and our kids. I asked him specifically what his C stated regarding our talking - so I can run it by my C tonight. We are such a close knit family that I cannot see us not talking for more than two days. We tag team everything with the kids after school activities...I guess he needs to see how difficult it would be on his own.

I am thinking of signing up for the 3 session pkg with a DB coach - can anyone give me insight if they have called in and with whom? Any recommendations? I plan to have the DR book read again and goals listed before I call in.

Any advice here from this wonderful group is much appreciated! Thanks! I am doing much better today! It will be hard tonight telling the kids I am not going this weekend and that Daddy is staying at the apt for longer...

Baby steps and PMA!!

[Delil@h]

YOU SOUND GREAT TODAY ... Keep up with the PMA!
God bless...

[Heartbroken]

Not feeling so great now - at least I get to see C tonight at 5 PM.

Anyone have thoughts on calling a DB Coach?

[imLIN]

I didn't use a DB coach...but I have read many who have and really felt it helped to direct them where they needed to go...Jodi is one that I remember being mentioned and I think Chuck?...I am sure they are all good though...I have NOT read that anyone thought it was a mistake and a waste of money!...

So if you feel it will help you out...then do it...

Take care...Lin

[ourcrisis]

HB, this may be just a small thing, but why are YOU telling the kids that daddy is staying in the apt longer, and not him? (or at least both together?) i am not sure if it makes a difference in your sitch. In mine, I felt it was important that my h was taking responsibility on his action (of leaving), so I told him he had to do the talking and explanation. Again, not sure if this apply for your sitch.

[Heartbroken]

Thanks OC,

We did tell them together - I explained why I was not going on the trip today and H explained about the apt sitch. They had a tough time but sucked it up - they do not like to show H their true feelings due to fear of him never coming back. I have been busy at work today - so no sadness. Tonight will be a diff story. My C said to stop over analyzing and step back from all this DB'ing (though she belives in it). She feels that I have done all that I can and he holds all the cards and the decision is up to him - irregardless of what I do. She said the no talking to each other is his assignment from his C and I should not be police'ing myself on this. If I talk about something he's not ready to he is to tell me - he needs to set the boundaries.

I left for work b4 they left this AM for WI and I almost lost it in front of the kids - had to quickly leave and just barely said goodbye to H while pulling out. It may be a long weekend!

[lovelyolive]

HI HB - I am so sorry that this is becoming more and more complicated for you. I talked to a DB coach - Joann - and it was extremely helpful. She just helped me focus in on what I needed to do more of/less of and what to expect as "normal" behavior from my H. I really would highly recommend it expecially if you feel like you are at a place where you need to tweak your DB'ing but aren't sure exactly what to do. Well worth the $$$.

Again.. so sorry for the difficult times.. Take care of yourself this weekend..

[Dr LOve]

Heartbroken


Keep busy I'll be thinking about you

Husband

[Heartbroken]

Thanks LOvely Olive and Husband for checking on me!

It's been a rough weekend - despite keeping myself VERY busy...

SPent way to much time cleaning this empty house...been talking to a ton of friends...went looking for potential condos for me if H decides he cannot return back to us.

I guess the condo exploration was good - gives me peace of mind knowing what I will move to if it comes to that. Wish he could just snap out of it.

My daughter left me a note on my pillow wishing I was going with them and she stated she knows that if it were not for all that I was doing this family would not be together right now. She thanked me for trying my hardest in keeping us together - someday she will call her dad on his true efforts....

I am meeting GF today for shopping...

I am having a REAL hard time sleeping even with a glass of wine last night. THe waves of sadness have returned but I am detaching again. H got on the phone last night and I was very short and to the point with him asking him to put S9 back on. I just need to distance myself - I have been to good to him, have been loving him unconditionally and I think he thinks he can just come back at any time that I will always be waiting here for him. I plan to not be home when they get back - have the kids call me when they are in the house and have H leave b4 I come home. I need to go dark - just for my detachment sake...

I hope everyone is having a restful memorial weekened! Take care of yourselves!

God will only dish out what I can handle and what is meant to be is meant to be - either I get my best friend back or the peace I truly deserve at this point..

HB

[imLIN]

Save the note...at some point you might want to share that with H...I know there things that my S said that I did share with my H and in time it really shook him as to what he was doing...yes he would always love his children and yes they would always love their dad but did he just want love?...or did he want to be valued, respected, admired, looked up to???...eventually they start thinking about other relationships that are bonded to the M...there are in-laws, friends, children...giving up the marriage sometimes means losing out on all the "good" stuff that goes with it...
In time your H should read what HIS D has to say about her mother...HIS W...this puts you in a whole different light from where he is seeing you...thus giving him a different persepctive then his own (warped) one...and sometimes they start thinking and realizing that maybe...just maybe....they missed something...

Your D sounds like a real gem...I know my D helped me so much when things were bad...she was barely 18 when H left and she spoke to me like a 40 yr. old...I was amazed at her wisdom...she was the closest to her dad...daddy's little girl...she was also the last to accept him back...he had to work to earn her attention and he is still having to work to earn the respect back...she was not an easy win like the other two who were more forgiving...he is having to work for her...and I love it!

So take care....Lin