Matilda and Husband, The dance last night was mixed with success and difficulty.
The dance was a milestone moment for me. It was important for me to see and be seen as part of the salsa dance community. I danced with classmates, old friends, and others. I was able to dance with confidence outside of my usual venue and studio settings.
I was there when the place opened at 9PM and left around midnight. This is a very good night for me. My usual length of stay is two hours.
My W showed-up around 11PM. I did make an offer to dance with her, but the performances started, and we had to stop.
After the performance, I saw her dancing with the guy she left with on Friday night. Jealousy began to creep in. I no longer wanted to stay. I became self-conscious, as we don't act like a couple, and people might be wondering what's going on with us. She also was making critical comments about the performers.
I excused myself from the table, and kept walking out the door and to my car with my dance shoes on. I felt badly that I left abruptly, but I knew that I could no longer be present for anyone on the dance floor. It was time to leave and preserve what I had accomplished that evening.
One of my fears is that I am no longer going to be able to tolerate this situation. I can't live in an arrangement like this indefinitely. I write daily, so will journal my experience in my notebook.
I will try to get back on track, and have an enjoyable day.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
