MLC thoughts and observations

[bright 2 morro]

I have a few thoughts that I would like to share. I am fairly new to this so please bare with me. I have read a lot about MLC and the ways in which MLCers act and say things. The fact that they almost always have OP in life while gone. Ok, I get all of that.

I grasped this concept as what my H is going through. I have also left other options open in my mind. DBing, I think, has to do with other options as well as the MLC.

Other options this could be in my mind are:

1. communication issues in the marriage-Maybe they are not in an MLC but got frustrated with trying (all be it maybe the wrong ways). They feel that they have tried and tried and never got anywhere. But they were not really communicating their problems effectively. Therefore, they leave because they feel they are out of options.

2. WAS

3. MLC

4. Victim of circumstance - Maybe he is in some sort of depression or other things in mind and someone takes advantage of the vulnerability.

I think the reasons I question whether or not my H is going through a mid-life crisis is because I am not 100% sure. I can see that in all of these situations they would still feel many of the same ways. Guilt, frustration, anger, overwhelmed. I think the only way for us to find out the truth is by getting them to open up to us. And by working on ourselves to change the bad, negative, criticalness etc. We are allowing them to come forward and try to explain to us. Loving from a distance. A large percentage of the issues in marriage these days is Communication. If we really listen to our Spouses (or think backto what they said) we can try to put ourselves in there shoes and ask ourselves "Would we like to be treated this way".

I also think that if we make the change to address what they are in a way asking us to change. And they see these changes then they are more apt to start assessing what they did wrong and try to change that.

But there are many ideas here that can help in all of the options the same way.

So I guess as an newcomer I try to not take everything as if it is black or white.

I have made some changes already and I notice a difference in how we are communicating. It is a whole lot more friendly. Someone told me yesterday that if I can earn back his friendship then my chances of more later on are better.

I am not saying that it is going to work out but I have three kids with the man. I have to make sure that we can get along and make good decisions about them together.

I know that my H is already having issues with not being with the kids. Maybe that is a start and maybe family counciling is also a start.

Baby steps.

I am starting to ramble on and on. I am sorry, I guess I just wanted to give you my perspective on MLC. Do I believe in it yes, but I also believe that this could be many different things that have the same response. The only way to get it worked out is by taking positive steps.

mimi