He is a great guy in many ways. What the F is wrong with ME that I can't just drop all this and move on with the life we have?
I don't know, LFL. I know it is tough to figure male/female dynamic stuff out. I watched "My Fair Lady" with my daughter last night and suffered some sickening moments of self-recognition with Type 7 street-urchin Eliza (Would I let Henry Higgins boss me around in an obnoxious manner in exchange for chocolates? I think we all know the answer (sigh).) OTOH, I felt the same way when I watched "Oliver" and poor, always trying to look on the bright side, Type 7 Nancy ended up dead because she was going to stay with brutish Bill as "long as he needs me.". What do you want/need from a man when you say you want/need one who is more Alpha or more Top (or more monkey or puppy dog if you feel like the guy you are with is too staid or patronizing to be sexy)? To what extent does this desire extend to the relationship or the romantic context for your sexuality rather than just the sexual interaction itself? Your H will probably never be naturally Top but he could learn to act more Top in bed at least by simply learning to do the kinds of things a Top guy might do. Of course, you would, at least initially, have that feeling of "he's not doing it right" or "this seems fake" but maybe you could start a positive spiral of arousal feeding behavior feeding arousal. You might actually try renting some porn that features the kind of behavior that turns you on and watch it with your H. There actually are hardcore "learn to be more Top to please your woman" instructional DVDs out there but they are actually probably TOO hardcore for just the more assertive vibe you are looking for.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
