Don't discourage those that stand. Their walk is not your walk. If you can not lift people up and give them hope while they struggle to find their own way and their own answers, I don't really know why you'd still come here
Discouraging...yes, that explains it better than mere pessimism. I'm sorry, but your posts are discouraging to newcomers who are fragile and not yet ready to hear this.
Those of us who have responded have been around awhile and can handle it. But in my first weeks after the bomb I didn't know that this sort of thing happened...and even more, that if it did happen there was Hope.
Look at newbie posts...one of the most common lines is "am I crazy for...doing this/wanting him back..." and an expression of no hope. They aren't in despair yet...merely doubt. But it is pretty amazing when you look at the behaviour of these MLCer. AmyC was pretty far gone...and she came back.
Standers Stand in Faith that there MLCer will return amidst not mere doubt of others, but amidst the MLCer admantly claiming hatred for us or at least not being in-love with us. We Stand while they claim engagement to another and show the OW off to the family.
I know you aren't saying we shouldn't do that. You aren't like those friends who tell us to kick'em to the curb. You are giving what you feel is support. You feel more power to us.
Quote:
We have to be realistic in the sense that there is an overwhelming chance that our marriages are over for good. I am basing this statement on what I see posted here.
You want posters to know the reality...as YOU see it. There isn't an overhwelming chance of anything really. That statement basically said you can try, but its's not going to work. So the pained newbie will then figure why try? and give up before stepping in the game.
Throwing in the towel is fine if the person has made that choice knowing what is out there. That is knowing what it is to fight (or really, Stand by not fighting). Giving up before that...there's no towel to throw in. The towel implies sweat and effort.
What is truth? You say statistics support you. Statistics support generalities. The 50% divorce rate is not about the chance of reconciliation. It has nothing to do with it. It's an overall figure of how many marriages end in divorce. But the statistics can be broken down into groups. Those who marry before 25 have higher divorce rates than those who marry after 25. Those whose parents divorced have hgher divorce rates.
There are so many factors to consider when looking at stats.
Okay...I wrote all of the above over an hour ago and then got dizzy or nauseous from the meds. Took a break.
I want to write more...but maybe I should just post what I've got and come back in bits...still feel a bit dizzy.
But Braveheart...I think some of the first posters may have been offended...but I don't think they considered you hostile.
And as for Amy...I thought your post was very well-thought out and rational...no flipping.
I searched the histry for my post about stats or something...couldn't find it...long search may have contributed to dizziness. But I think that was where I was heading...thoughts about stats. Valentine said it well...and in fact one of the only posts I found inthe history was something I wote to her...close to what I was seeking, but exactly it.
