Have checked your thread a couple times lately but been unable to find anything wonderful or new to say. You have worked at this so hard. You have given him every ounce of energy you got and every chance in the world to be part of the family again, even to father another child.
What is there to say. This was always more about you finding yourself and getting your life together again. Nothing has changed on that. Nothing much has changed with your H.
It seems you could surely continue to go dark and work on your own life as if he weren't coming back. That worked once. But things are reaching a point where you may have to ask yourself "why ... if he is no longer worth it". We all care about you and we all hate to see one person working so hard to save a M while the other is working so hard to destroy it.
If I didn't know better I would say he believes you have no where to turn at this point, but to wait for him. Maybe he is mlc, or just the devil. There is often little difference in the two. I don't know which way you should turn, or if you should. You have the choice of going straight forward without looking back.
The courts have an uncanny way of cutting through the crap and laying down the rules of the road. If you choose to make this all about the courts no one here will blame you. The only thing that will dissappoint us is if you don't take care of yourself and the kids At All Cost. You both promised them that when you brought them into the world, only I'm not sure he meant it. I think you did.
You mention how much work is ahead of him if he wants to return. I agree completely. I also think that whether you are M or not at the time he is doing all that work doesn't change his challenge. Either he will, or he won't, and you probably won't accept him by then anyway.
Just wish I knew what advice to give, instead of rambling. Please take care of yourself. Start taking back control of your emotions and all things that affect your well being. If he sneezes, don't bless him. Cover your face instead cuz you don't want to catch whatever he is carrying. This is no time to be in the truck with him or trying to "win" him back. He loved all the attention last time, he won, and he exhausted you. You rest. Let him work, or not.
