My Leg is slowly getting better, I am able to walk around w/o my “aircast” in the house and move pretty well around with it day to day at work etc. I am going to try for the gym this morning and see how it goes.
It was a quiet weekend other then running around to
I had a Gal-friend down visiting this long-weekend. (She is just a friend; she slept on the couch downstairs)
She was at my place when my Ex dropped the kids off after their supper together; I introduced her to my ex as my friend… There was little overt response from my ex just a very short clipped hello and my Ex telling me she would call in a couple days to talk with the kids and off she went.
My Friend is down visiting her daughter and looking for work in my city. She hung around with my kids and spent some time just being friends with them.
She loves kids and she read some stories with my lil guy and he was his cuddly jovial self with her.
She did some really nice girl stuff with my daughter, took her out shopping for a little bit, and talked about some teenage girl stuff with her. She helped fixed up my daughters hair before school this am, I told her she looked great.
My Daughter had a nice time with her and really appreciated feeling like she was important. (She told me this) She would like her mom to be more this way with her.
Last night my friend cooked us up a thank-you supper she had her daughter over and we all ate a nice meal together… I have never had someone cook a meal for me in my new house (1.5 years now)… I have always helped make the meals or just made them myself… It felt funny having someone do that for me but at the same time it was really nice. It was a reminder of what is missing in my life. I consider it a wonderful gift and I was very appreciative of it.
My daughter has a session scheduled with her counselor next week… I hope the counselor can help give my daughter some tools to communicate her wants / needs to her mother. She has been having a hard time talking about how she really feels about things with her mom.
No real advice ... just some hugs to you and your kids. I hope your daughter is able to find a solution to communicating her feelings to her mom.
Continue with the GAL activities!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Phone call from the Ex to the Kids tonight while she is on her Holiday with her BF.
No talking with me... I'm unsurprised by that.
It seems like she has been avoiding me since the offer of friendship towards her last week.
The phone call was nice for the kids but bothered me... I'm not sure why after all this time she still affects me so much.
I know I should detach, let go and move forward but I just keep spinning my wheels and going down the same cheesless tunnels.
Her words trick me but her actions (more important of course) remain firmly headed in the direction of Divorce. I know I can force the issue and decide that it is just over and my head tells me to but my heart wants me to keep waiting.
But the whats the right answer how do you choose what to listen to?
A very good friend pointed out to me this morning that maybe I am thinking / hoping that things with my Ex could go back to how they were before...
But I KNOW that's an impossibility she has a new job and does new things and has new friends. She was very unhappy with the way things were (Her only reason for wanting the split)
Anything that would be between us would be NEW... It would be starting over from nothing...
There is history between us, two wonderful kids and lots of good times... (though that is from my view-point of course)
I try look at what my life would be if I don't wait for her and process the "D" it looks just the same as it is now... Ok but empty... So I am struggling with the idea that "moving-on" would really be "moving forward"
Anways... in an atempt to move past my "pity-party" self obbsession and GAL :P
This weekend Friday night my daughter has a Birthday party for one of her friend.
Saturday I'm planning to take the kids to Pirates 3. I have invited my Single-mom Gal friend and her kids to come along, Me and mine will be going anyway and the grown up company is nice.
There is a possiblility of a bbq at a buddies house saturday evening IF the weather turns back to being nice again. We are having one of our infamous May snowstorms here power outages trees downed etc.
I used to live in your province in one of them thar bigger cities, and I was chatting to a friend there yesterday, and she commented on how it had just started snowing. The weather there is unbelievable, which is why we moved as far west as a person can get. Hehehe!
As for your sitch ... I remember it from the beginning then I lost your thread, and then re-found it again. I must say that you have moved on already from how it was in the beginning. You sound so much more detached, and philosophical about it all. I do see that you are still hoping for a R with your W, even if it's just a friendship. But, consider this, that maybe it's too soon for a friendship? Perhaps you need to give it more time, to give yourself more closure. I know, I know, it's hard to close the door, but you can always leave a little window open for future possibilities (and no-one knows what lies in the future) and ya don't have to lock the door. I know you feel life will be empty without her, but realistically speaking, it probably won't last too long before you find someone else to love, and there is more to life than M, IMHO. Anyway, you can only go through with the D when you are ready, but don't hold back because of the fear of not being married to your W. ('Eh, hope I'm making sense here!) If you're going to stand for your M, then do so because you want her, not because you need her ... there's a huge difference. Then, you must have a plan, and you must be patient (like, the patience of Job, because it's one of the hardest things I ever did, and I'm not a patient person, by nature.)
Keep taking care of yourself, and your wonderful children. It's nice that you have a single FF to hang out with. Sounds like you have a good weekend planned. All I have are beautiful, sunny days on the island, possibly gardening while my D14 goes to the lake to swim with some of her friends. Oops, sorry, didn't mean to brag ....
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I know you were around following my stuff when it started 2 years ago.
I am more detached now but I still feel way TO attached in regards to how I am affected after a phone call from her when I know she is off with her BF it is horrible and spirals me down to a black mood even KNOWING that’s what happens... and I try to be "cool" about it, it still messes with me.
I am very clear on this point:
I don't NEED her in my life, I just prefer her over all the other women I have met.
The current direction of things appears very strongly (from my point of view) that if she indeed loves this new guy she will be moving away to be with him to his city.
I am prepared for that should it be the case as it would mean no change in my current sitch EXCEPT:
Where I have a huge issue with this is what happens with our kids and where they will live. This City has been their home for their whole lives, my daughters friends live here, my parents live here and my job lets me take all the time I need to be their Dad. I have changed my whole life around over the past 2.5 years to make sure I can be my kids Dad.
I don’t know what I would do if she was to try and take them to live elsewhere and I could only see them every other weekend.
I believe she feels very much the same way... She has said she feels happy when she is with the kids at her house and empty when they are with me, said with enough emotion for me to believe it.
I have a call into my lawyer and I will ask him what sort of rights I have about where my kids live given that we have agreed to joint custody with my home being the children’s primary residence in the divorce should I put it through. (Nothing "legally" binding in place at this point though just a signed separation agreement between us that we have adhered to for the past 1.5 years)
If the BF should decide to move here to be with her I am emotionally prepared for that turn of events as well.
As a quick Note I fired her off a text message about something funny our Son did this morning: The snowstorm knocked out power to my neighborhood and just before I got out of bed I heard little fingers turning off and on various light switches in the house and when the lights didn't work he exclaimed "OH MY GOD!" was very cute and funny.
I just received a text back from her saying how funny that was. A very small gesture on her part but I appreciated that she contacted me about it. For some reason the Text msg’s from her don’t bother me but the phone calls do… weird…
Further to as a quick note in addtion to my home being the Kids primary Res.
I have a stipulation in the divorce papers that she agreed in regards to the kids that both parents MUST agree in writing to the school the Kids will attend.
However again nothing has been put through the leagal system as yet.
Interesting choice of word in that quote! Are we fools for fighting for our M's? I, personally, don't think so, but I wonder if our WAS's think so! Mmm! The fight, anyway, is never lost as long as we are able to be whole individuals, whether we win back our spouses, or not. Good quote, ROK ... makes one really think, 'eh!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
