I don;t know too many people on the board who have gone through an MLC and tried to regain their spouse AMYC is the only one I know of, and she has worked very hard to regain her marriage, so far with little success. I admire her for doing that, and she is genuinely sorry for everything, but there is just so much damage that is done by this behavior that it is super tough to make amends for the past.
You obviously define "success" a hell of a lot differently than I do, braveheart. In all your "lurking" you apparently didn't spend a lot of time reading the last 5 months worth of my threads. You'd have seen lows so low I didn't think I could rise to their challenges but you'd have also seen major breakthroughs in my relationship with my husband, culminating most recently with an argument during which I stood my ground and ultimately the night ended with my husband laying a liplock on me that curled my toes. Don't use my name or my experience without knowing EXACTLY what you're talking about.
I don't know just what classifies someone as a "veteran" DBer but if I qualify, it is because of the One that sustains me, brings me through circumstances which change me and gives me the courage to believe in ALL that I may not yet see physically but is in existence nevertheless.
Sure, there are some marriages that will not be restored. That is inevitable but I disagree with your reasoning as to why.
I was one of those that DID have someone else. AT FIRST. But I got rid of him and I WAS STILL a mess. My MLC actually GOT WORSE when no one else was involved. I was as far OUT of that marriage as I was OUT of my MIND. Ask ANYONE that knew me then, NONE of them would say I'd have returned. Yet here I am.
I also have the privilege of having been shown exactly HOW I came to be HERE. I always wondered, after the MLC, HOW did I "get back". One night I stood in the dark at my kitchen sink and asked God again "WHO PRAYED ME THROUGH?" I thought maybe my sister, perhaps my Pastor's wife....but no. God revealed to me it was my husband. I saw in my mind a picture of my husband kneeling by our bed one day. I knew based on the surroundings that it was during the beginning of the crisis. I saw him praying and it was as if God TOLD me "That's what saved you. Your husband's prayers. THAT'S what moved Me".
Don't discourage those that stand. Their walk is not your walk. If you can not lift people up and give them hope while they struggle to find their own way and their own answers, I don't really know why you'd still come here, except to keep tally marks which lead to THIS type of irresponsible post. I am sure your idea is that people get stuck and you're just trying to help them to move along, yet delivering a discouraging post such as yours on a board such as this can be devastating to some people and you have no way of knowing what someone in that situation what might do.
I almost feel as if you look at us, the people on this board, with pity and to that I ask, how dare you?
By your own admission, you're a quitter.
The majority of us here are cut from a different cloth.
