The simple truth is that the thought of her having a fling with another guy turns me on, especially if I get to watch.
Sorry, I would want to kill both of them.
Truth and the practical solution would to dump both of them if the attraction activity amd talk didn’t stop ASAP.
Perhaps she's doing all this to "test the waters". That is what I see. BB told me how cute some guys at work were. She also said all the other women said the same thing. Next BB said the guys were gay.
Ways not to start an accidental on purpose fire, stop rubbing the sticks together.
I've only read the last three pages of your sitch, Eddie ... but if I were you, I'd never verbalize those fantasies of your wife/other guy to her. Let her suspect, if you are unable to keep them from showing, but don't tell her. Unless she is very different from most women, it would be a major turn-off, and in fact an internal rational to connect with someone else who wants them, and not the fleeting titillation of a threesome fantasy that would end up leaving them empty.
I have never seen a "swinger" relationship work out long-term. Someone always ends up falling in love with someone else, and the original couple breaks up. (I have not been in one myself, but have friends in those circles). I don't know if Nop's experience has been any different. I doubt it.
Sex unleashed is a dangerous animal, coupled with all sorts of tricky hormones and bonding where least expected. Do not mess with it. Trust me.
"you want me to be jealous, don't you?", and she admitted that she did, that she considered it a sign of love.
Well, it is a sign of connection, whether it is unhealthy or not can be debated. A man who shows no jealousy at all seems strange to me. Too emotionally controlled, rigid, withdrawn. So I get what she is saying there.
Quote:
Well, as I mentioned to LustForLife, my reaction tends to be along the lines of giving her more attention, flirting with her, and so on. LFL seemed to consider this inadequate; my W, on the other hand, appears to eat it right up, at least for now.
I said it was inadequate? Not sure when that was but it doesn't matter what works for me, only what works with your W.
Quote:
The simple truth is that the thought of her having a fling with another guy turns me on, especially if I get to watch. Of course the thought of her cutting me off emotionally and sexually, or running off to live with him, doesn't turn me on at all, so I haven't exactly come out and admitted any of this or deliberately done anything that would tend to encourage her to cross the line.
Hmmm... I can see the fantasy part of it I guess but no way would that be a good idea in reality. Goes back to my first point about the need for some jealousy/possessiveness/connection. It would eventually blow up in your face. She would resent you for it. Feel like you didn't really love her. (My opinion of course but I'm probably not too far off). Women do not want a man that wants to pass her around so that you can "get off." I can see the appeal in some aspects but only in a purely sexual R, NOT in a M. Just doesn't tend to work. But you know that Crazy. LFL
LFL wrote:"It would eventually blow up in your face. She would resent you for it. Feel like you didn't really love her. (My opinion of course but I'm probably not too far off). Women do not want a man that wants to pass her around so that you can "get off." "
Exactly. In fact, it will blow out any sense of security your wife gets from you, leaving her "dangling". After that, you can start the stop watch on a countdown toward an affair, if not divorce, and the really ugly thing is that you will be virtually powerless to stop it once it starts. I was just reading about a couple that recently did it. As a result, she has had repeated affairs, and they both want to save their marriage, but it is very unlikely that will happen.
Southern Girl and LFL are telling you like it is.
An old player rule. Never party with someone you care about losing.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I'll be straight-up with you. As soon as you made your first post about being turned on by the thought of your wife with another guy, I thought to myself "I wouldn't touch this guy sexually with a 20 ft. pole." But we can still be friends. To each their own, I say.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Y'all are absolutely, 100% right of course. Letting her branch out is fun to fantasize about. In real life, it's got "bad idea" written all over it.
So she's slimmer and sexy and more confident now than she was before. She can more easily get another guy if that's what she wants. The first line of defense is to be the better man, to give her attention without clinginess and be the kind of attractive, strong, loving guy she wants in her life and in her bed. When you get right down to it, the choice is hers; I can't really stop her if she wants someone else, I can only be a better version of myself so she can have a man she wants at home. So far so good on that score. She's happy, she's interested in me and attracted to me, she has fun with me, she's well taken care of physically and emotionally, and she'd have to be crazy to walk out as long as I stay on top of my game. Fortunately, she's not crazy.
Next, keep taking an interest in her activities without being controlling or needy. Shut up and listen... if she's still feeling connected to yours truly, she'll talk about anything and everything with a minimum of prompting as long as I'm interested. So stay interested and don't let her think she's at loose ends with no one at home caring about what she does. Check.
And don't let her think I could or would approve of anything untoward. Part of me thinks it would be sexy, but it would also be reckless, and I don't approve of her taking stupid risks like that with our health and our family. Convey that to her wholeheartedly. Start on that at the next opportunity.
Or else? Or else what? Good question. If I try bluffing, she'll see right through it.
If all that fails, and she falls for somebody else and closes her heart to me... then new tactics are needed.
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 05/26/0709:45 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
And don't let her think I could or would approve of anything untoward. Part of me thinks it would be sexy, but it would also be reckless, and I don't approve of her taking stupid risks like that with our health and our family. Convey that to her wholeheartedly. Start on that at the next opportunity.
No. Do NOT convey that to her (the bold part). Convey to her that you'd kick her out the door if she ever crossed the line with any guy, and you'd expect the same from her.
If you say what you said above, it'll stick in her mind like a burr. Like the boy whose mother, on one normal Wednesday, jokingly told him "I really wanted a girl, you know" ... and who was never able to forget that, and never felt the same sense of security in his mother's love as before.
And don't let her think I could or would approve of anything untoward. Part of me thinks it would be sexy, but it would also be reckless, and I don't approve of her taking stupid risks like that with our health and our family. Convey that to her wholeheartedly. Start on that at the next opportunity.
I may have missed something, but are you saying that you have told her previously that you would like to see her with other men?
and never felt the same sense of security in his mother's love as before.
IMO, it's would do worse than make your wife feel insecure. It would make her feel like you're such a wimp that not only would you hand over your lunch money to another guy, you would ask her to hand over her lunch money too.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
