My heart has been completely torn apart

[I_Surrender]

Well I think I made one positive step. Counselor says that I need to make friends (my homework for the week)
Big challenge, think I made a connection, maybe we'll go for a coffee next week.
I talked about this with W, telling her about my homework. (W even stated proudly that she had friends, and I didn't) So she agrees that I should make friends.
I didn't say anything about my plans to go out next week. I'll just gently ease it along.

I have a feeling that she might have a problem with it, though, partly because she is used to having me 100% on her schedule and because this friend is a female.

I am still in an uncertain place. I am trying to think of W as a good friend right now. I talked to her about her counseling a little and my feelings, fears yesterday.

I ask myself "Is this a crossroad right now? Do I need to make a change in my life's direction?"

I talked to an internet friend I have had for about 9-10 years. She went through a troubled relationship and describes their marrage as so different now. They survived, but the couple who was once madly in love are no more.

I would not care to live like that.

Have a nice weekend everyone. I am busy making mental plans to deal with the financial hardship, should the D come to be reality. I need to be mentally prepared for this.

I did talk with W last night about the finanial reality of D. Telling her what she already knew, that I may have to give her spousal support (inside I disagree with this since I didn't have the PA) child support, should our youngest stay with her (60% chance he would be with me and the other 2 children, but it's up to him)
Then I slipped in the bit about the fact that on her part, I would be entitled to half of her company pension... she didn't say anything. I don't know if she new that or had not considered that.