Here is my couple's love horoscope for Saturday, May 26:
Things are difficult for the time being -- there's no getting around that. If you both handle the issues maturely, though, you'll come out the other side stronger than ever!
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I would agree with the other posts. Before all of this happened, I had the same attitude, if she ever cheated on me - it would be over. I could never imagine that happening.
Now that it has, and I've done a lot of soul searching I realize that I still love her. I also believe the old marriage was dead, we neglected it, but I am 100% invested in my desire to create a new marriage with my wife.
Yes, it hurts thinking about them together sexually. Yes, i don't actually know if i'll ever be able to get past it fully. Yes, i worry about trust issues. But right now I am choosing to focus on the positives about my wife, and the positives about my relationship (as few as there are).
My wife and I spent years focusing on the negatives about each other, and look where it got us. Its only when your life is turned upside down and you see what you had, you realize just how many positives your spouse has, and just how few negatives they really had.
So don't focus on the OM/OW, you will get sullen, angry, and any interaction with your spouse with me tainted... it will just push your spouse further into the OMs arms. Focus on the good memories, and the reasons you love your wife..
After the Affair is written by Janis Abrahms Spring, PHD. I'm reading it now and it's a really good one. Although I don't and won't take any responsibility for his decision to have the affair it gives you a two sided approach to looking at it and although it still hurts you can start to see it differently and maybe be able to forgive and move forward.
I agree with you husband, fortunately I have not had to cross that bridge as of yet. I do believe at the current time, being seperated and all, that if she did, I probably could forgive with some time. I on the other hand just cannot fathom having an affair, even while seperated, I guess I am just not normal lol.
M 41 W 33 S8 S17 Bomb 3/11/07 S 3/28/07 New beginning? 8/31/07
789 Are any of us "normal"? I know if I told my friends what she did and what I'm doing they would think I'm nuts. But here...I'm "normal" nextsteps_4us I like what you said about the old marriage being dead. I too am looking forward to a new one. I just wish I would have come out of my FOG earlier. It is interesting that once I get the thoughts of the OM out of my head I also realize there is a lot about my W that I don’t know. When we did talk in the past it was always about car payment, what the kid did at school, doctor appt. what’s for dinner. I never asked her things like who was your best teacher in school? What vacation did you take as a child did you like the most? Is there something your dad always did that you liked as a kid? I have learned when I’m watching T.V and My Wife asks me something I mute or turn if off and look at her to listen. I do Hope I can win her back because I know the next half of our marriage will be great. Lostmybfriend I know how it is when the kids are gone. Sometimes my son is so noisily and drives me nuts. But when he spends the night at someone’s house its toooooooo Quiet I miss the commotion. Do you make puzzles? Have a good book or go rent a movie if you don’t have anywhere to go. Or just go to the mall and window shop. Ya have to be careful there thou. Once in a while when I’m out and about I see a couple laughing and holding hand and I feel sad that I don’t have that. I have to go now but stay on line someone should be here to talk to. I’m in California so I probably dinner time where you are. I talk to ya soon yvonnec I do not take responsibility for the affair. But what I am guilty of is the common mistake of not really listening. I read that when someone come up to you with a problem, about half way through you stop listening and try to fix it. With my W after she was through talking I would say. You should do this, or I would not let them do that I would…. I herd the problem but not her feelings. I should have asked her if she tried this or that not tell her what to do. I also didn’t really listen to her voice. If I didn’t want to go with her to a function I would ask her if I could just stay home. She would say ok. But deep down she really wanted me to go. So yes she didn’t say what she wanted but did not really listen either. This is no excuse for the affair. But hopefully my working on this will prevent it from going that far again I have to go now but stay on line someone should be here to talk to. I’m in California so I probably dinner time where you are. I talk to ya soon
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, Is she still seeing the OM? My H has gone to be with her when he came home and had to "leave" to get back to PA but actually stayed another night in town. Then he has another cell phone to still talk to her. I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that she is up there with him now. He's only given us a year once the girls and I get to PA but only gives us 5% chance and doesn't plan on giving up his phone or putting any work into the M. I keep wondering if I'm not making a mistake by going but I keep hoping that if we're all together again that just maybe something good can come out of it. Oh yeah he's not "in love with me anymore" and is "in love" with the OW. Realisticly is there even a chance in hell that this can be turned around?
I don’t know. Moving out of state is a pretty big decision. I don’t know if moving will help, I feel lucky in a way that My W is in my house. That way she can see the changes I have made and I see the changes in her. She is not seeing the OM he is two states away and has lot been away anywhere long enough. I don’t know if she is still calling him. I don’t check the phone records anymore. It was only making me sad. I am going on a week camping trip in 2 weeks with my 10y son. I don’t know what will happen then. But she has been really nice lately. We are going to the movies tomorrow. She called me when she was out shopping and asked me if I wanted her to pick me up a milk shake. First time she has done that in years. Gota go dinner is ready. I think you have a better chance together but moving is a hard choice husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, I have to move. The OW lives in the same town as I do and I know for me it's not good that I stay here. It's either to PA where H now is (he won't be able to see the OW for a year, just talk on the phone) or to KY where I have family. I'm just really torn. If I go to PA and it doesn't work out in the year then I'm stuck there for another year until D graduates and there is the chance he'll move her and her 2 kids up there and I'll be in the same position I'm in now except they'll be living together then. I'm torn and confused. If he's pretty much saying that he loves her and doesn't plan on putting any effort into trying to save the M is it really possible for me to make that big a difference? At times a year seems really long but at other times it seems really short. I have to admit I'm scared and no matter which way I lean I'm terrified I'm making the wrong decision.
