Wonka wrote:"DBing is not about being a doormat or approving an affair. But instead establishing respectful boundaries without making guilt-inducing comments."
I can go and fetch a couple of hundred posts on other forums where I have seen posters suggest just that, doormat behavior.
A respectful boundary can be one that simply says: "You will not contact other person from within the confines of our home. I find such activity to be very disrespectful".
Whether that would generate guilt in the recipient of said boundary is solely a function of the infidel's own emotional makeup, likely unpredictable by the betrayed spouse. The betrayed CAN predict that the infidel won't like it, but that's not guilt.
If your wayward spouse were wanting to introduce your children to the other person in an effort to "normalize" their affair, would you withhold your concerns out of fears of inducing potential guilt in your wayward spouse, or would you protect your children?
Michele seems like an incredibly insightful and practical woman. It seems to me that many of her posters place unwarranted emphasis on potentially misinterpreted positions taken in her books.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
