After having gone through this for a short time, at least a short time in the accepted MLC timeframes, I do have some thoughts, observations, and opinions about MLC and the LBS. I have been divorced for about 2 months, I was the one who threw in the towell, so to say, I just got tired of being hurt and humilliated, so I chose to end it, which I did. Since that time I have been on the boards, mostly lurking, but I have posted a little from time to time. Lurking on the boards has given me some insight into a lot of situations, most are remarkably the same in nature. This board is full of very sad people trying to understand why this has happened to them, how to restore thier marriage, and trying to deal with the pain this has caused. I think with all of this being said, I think there is some very bad misinformation going on. We have to be realistic in the sense that there is an overwhelming chance that our marriages are over for good. I am basing this statement on what I see posted here. I know that its a popular misconception that many on here get thier marriages back together and just stop posting. I honestly feel that is more of wishfull thinking rather than the truth. I say this because if you look at the most veteran of veteran posters, you will see where they end up, divorced. I am not trying to be totally negative, but it is what it is. I think this is the first step in accepting and dealing with the situation of the LBS. Along with this comes the awful pain of having to parent by yourself, which is another awful side effect of this situation. I am in the unique position of have gone through this twice. My dad walked off and left us high and dry many years ago, then my XW did the same thing with out 2 children. I suppose that has been the toughest thing to overcome for me, but with all things it shall be overcome. We ask ourselves why and how could someone be so selfish and mean? I really cannot answer that, there are some EXMLCers on the board who can give us some insight, but I think that every situation is different, some are much meaner than others. One thing that I have learned is that MLC has ONE central common factor. It ALWAYS involves SOMEONE ELSE. I know there are some folks on here who will debate me on this, but I will argue that if you are involved in a seperation or divorce without someone else, you are dealing with a WAS not a MLCer. The common theme in this crisis is the idea of making a life with someone else. The MLCer truly believes that the OP is the prince charming or fairy princess they have waited for all thier lives. They believe their own B.S. in the sense that they feel that they can "start over" or have a "fresh new start" It involves someone else though, I think that is why they abandon thier kids, former homes, pets, people, they all believe that all of the above is the cause for them not being happy. I agree with what a lot of people on here say about it being a totally selfish situation, its all about them, PERIOD! Do they know what they are doing is wrong? SURE! What kind of a person who has a reasonable amount of intellegence wouldn't know? They do not care! They don't care about you, kids, nobody or nothing! They feel in their heart that there life will be so much better without you or their former compaions. Why does MLC take so long? Good question! I suppose there are many different reasons, I feel the predominate one is the fact they feel that they will FIND true happiness if they keep looking, just wait a little longer and they will have everything they want! What brings them to the realization it won't happen? Another good question! I suppose many different things can and do. Deaths probably trigger the feeling they will end up dying alone, so I suppose it would. I think that they slowing come to the realization that they are getting old and what they are looking for doesn't exist, or they are hurt by the OP and realize what an ASS they have made out of themselves! I think a number of things can trigger it. Why are former marriages not restored? Well, some are, but very few based on what I have seen here. My thoughts on why others aren;t most LBS move on, to wait for someone who is acting like a total fool is a big time sacrifice to make! Almost everyone will decide to move on. MLCers who come out may WANT to have thier former lives back, but most people will not admit they have done wrong, no matter what it is they have done, therefore they will not pursue the LBS, which I feel is absoultely necessary to have any chance of reconsilliation. I also feel the former MLCer may feel humiliated themselves for what they have done, therefore they might feel the LBS deserves something other than themselves. I don't know, just some thoughts and observations. I don;t know too many people on the board who have gone through an MLC and tried to regain their spouse AMYC is the only one I know of, and she has worked very hard to regain her marriage, so far with little success. I admire her for doing that, and she is genuinely sorry for everything, but there is just so much damage that is done by this behavior that it is super tough to make amends for the past. Just some thoughts and observations on this situation, hope I don't ruffle too many feathers!
