from the other day... Well, I'm a little disheartened today, because last night we had some pretty impatient moments and really snapped at each other. Unfortunately, it "felt like old times" and not in a good way. I may journal the details later, but may be better just doing other stuff today.
We came out of it. Watched a funny movie together. Before falling asleep, he said, "I love you," and put a hand on me. I said IL him too and appreciated him reaching out to me. Quick interactions this morning, then I called him when he was at work. Just tried to sound cheerful and said I was thinking about him and looking forward to a nice weekend together. He said he was busy so I wrapped it up. (He didn't waste time talking about how badly he needed to go, like he used to, which I know was intentional.) We said goodbye, ILY.
I was just hurt by how QUICKLY a few snippy comments got all those entitled feelings rushing out of us and how we lashed out. Yuk. Want to try and make that better in the future. At least we came out of it.
Hope everyone has a nice weekend planned.
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Sat. morning here and things have been going well. A few tense words here and there, but we are handling ourselves better. Recognizing our mistakes as we go a lot better than we used to. Just being *conscious* in our actions towards one another seems to help immensely.
We did have sex last night, not exactly like the "explicit" email I sent him, and he showed a little disappointment, but we still had fun. For some reason, about half way through, I got in a bit of a funk. He picked up on it immediately. Lots of negative things were going through my mind and while just a few minutes before, I was breathing heavy and "into it" then we changed positions and I was sort of "checked out." He kept saying "is something wrong? did I do something you don't like?" etc., but I would say, lightly, "no, nothing's wrong." I knew talking about it/trying to explain or correct would do no good, and I would just come out of it soon enough.
Afterwards, we watched some stand-up comedy and I laughed out loud several times, enough for both of us to feel good again. I wish I didn't get like that, but sometimes I just get pissed off/hurt feelings, etc. Trying to deal with it the best I can.
He has mentioned twice that I should talk dirty to him. This is hard for me; wish it wasn't. We were hugging when he said it just now. (the other time was after a joke made by the comic we were watching. He said, "You can't do it!") Anyhow, just now, he was just out of the shower and getting ready to leave. He said, "my junk is clean" hugging me. That did not turn me on, and I felt it was an impractical time, so I said, "Let's wait and do it when you get back with D and she goes down for nap." He said, "What are you gonna do to me?" hugging me. I *started* to try to, (Said, "I'll go down on you...") but I got just that far and he interrupted me and said, "No, like 'I'll XXX.'" He was being playful, but I was serious and it hurt my feelings. I said, "I was trying and you told me I wasn't doing it right." He saw what he did, and just kind of dropped it.
So he is at the mall with D. I am here with baby son, who I just put down for a nap. Gonna try and do a little scrapbooking. Hope you're having a relaxing weekend, everybody!
Thanks for reading - I love the comments and advice. I posted in Piecing, but feel most at home here still.
