One way to move this completely off the radar is for the two of you to list out household daily/weekly/monthly responsibilities and chores and then divvy them up. Then if the whining starts, you can point to the list.
I have suggested this a few times over the years. She has been opposed to the idea. I vaguely recall the vocalized reason being that I should just see what needs to be done and do it.
But, that is a good idea. I see it needs to be done. So maybe I should just do THAT -- make a list, divvy it up, and do my half. (The kids could have items too -- and they certainly need to be pulling more of their own (light) weight!)
She can do her assigned tasks if she wants, and I can do mine without feeling like I'm just trying to conform to her idea of who I need to be in order to be worthy of her affection. That is, maybe I can GAHCH (Get A Half Clean House). If she finds me more attractive, fine. If not, well, the clean part of the house is mine
