Bomb dropped last Sat - we're S but still in the same house and bed. WAS is having an EA/PA and just told me she is going 'out' tonight and it took ALL MY STRENGTH not to ask 'where' or 'who with'. God - that hurt!! Just know I'm going to be there lying listening for the sound of her car when she comes home....major hurts!! Evan
(sorry - I don't know how to change to just a title!)
She dropped the bomb last - Sat - 'it's over - that's it - permanent separation!' Because I had been through this before I suspected someone else and was unfortunately right - I've found emails between them - detailing pretty much EVERYTHING. Unfortunately I confronted her - and EVENTUALLY she admitted to it. So from saying she wants to live by herself and work out her probs - she actually has been having an EA/PA with OM. We're still living in the same house / same bed - she's still being lovey dovey but I'm starting to detach - and now she's starting to react. I'm moving out at the end of the week - and trying to get on with my life - although it's killing me on the inside - but last night was the first - 'I'm going out' - and I asked no questions - just told her 'to have a great time' - and boy did it hurt me!! Any advice to protect my heart much appreciated! Evan
Evan, There's no way to avoid the pain, nor do you want to. We have to learn that life isn't about always being comfortable. Experiences such as ours is a reminder of that. Use this hardship to grow as a human being.
Being physically separated may be for the best at this time. It will help you to get grounded, and work on DB and other life skills.
You may want to join a support group for the separated. Writing helps as a form of expression. Talking to a therapist is helpful. Going to church, attending a meditation group, or reading religious/spiritual material helps you to work with suffering in your life, and transform it into compassion for others. Having connection to others is important. Avoid isolation for long periods of time.
You'll be surprised at how resilient you are. The initial weeks and months will be hard. There is a grieving process that is unavoidable. It will pass.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
