She claims her biggest grievance is that I don't do enough around that house -- cleaning-wise. Maybe I should be doing more, but I do share morning duties and take care of the kids almost all evenings and more than half the weekend, and, I don't think she gives me credit for the household help I do provide. It would be fair to doubt my version of those facts, but, really, I think this is not the real issue. And, frankly, right now I'm feeling an awful lot of resentment (sorry, but it's true), it's hard to listen to any of her demands/complaints. To the extent I have listened and acted before, it hasn't helped.
One way to move this completely off the radar is for the two of you to list out household daily/weekly/monthly responsibilities and chores and then divvy them up. Then if the whining starts, you can point to the list.
Make sure any typical "man" duties you perform are acknowledged on the list, those often go unnoticed when chore-wars are going on.
