HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[princess_nic]

Great post, 25.

Lisa,

I am so enraged that I cannot say anything except, hell yeah - D the guy!

But maybe that's not what would actually be best, so don't listen!

What's happening w/ the support stuff?

[LisaLost]

Thanks so much 25 and Nicola.

I know I need to stop taking his calls but I was afraid that he might not send anything if I ignored him. I do have a motion for temp support and alimony but they say they are backlogged a couple weeks more maybe even a month so for now I have to do what I can to make sure he gives me money. As soon as the order is in place well.. that is another ball game.

I am tired of being downgraded by this man- I don't know if I can get over the hurt to reconcile again, that is the reason I filed for D.

i tried-God knows I did


love,lisa

[LisaLost]

No calls tonight- But he loves his kids oh does he just love them so much.. So much he doesn't take the time out to call them to tell them good night or good morning. ughhhh he makes he sick- out having a grand old time with no worries or cares in the world!!! He is such an ass - he really doesn't see who he is hurting- he doesn't even see he is hurting himself

AMAZING!!!!

Lisa

[forward]

"You made the choices leading to this situation."

(fyi, I said that a lot in the beginning--but I don't need to any more)

Lisa, even if you're not standing, applying the DB techniques to calm the situation down and to be on civil terms w/him. Make it a goal to get back some self-respect. Be respectful to him when he deserves it, but expect the same.

Congrats on not answering the phone and hanging up. Do not be too convenient or available to him.

He may not have come by because it'sa lot of emotional upheaval, you know? Doesn't mean he doesn't love them.

You could tell him that you will not be around when he comes by to see the kids. Then don't be.

[LisaLost]

He refuses to call or come by-no matter what I say. I hate this part- when the kids ask questions you don't have answers for. It makes me hate him sooo much-

[lovingme]

Lisa I agree that you need to stop taking his calls. He is making me so mad. He has no right to talk to you like that and you don't have to listen to it. If he starts in tell him so and hang up.

Don't let him do this to you!!

Much love
Christy

[LisaLost]

Basically just keeping a jouranl-

No calls thismorning from husband. The reason why I am putting this inmy thread is that we had a discussion in which he promised to call the boys every morning and every night like he did before when he left. but of course that was after 3 months of not seeing them at all. bet I won't hear nothing from him until about noon tomm. and then he will want to call to get the kids.


I am starting to see more and more that I am right in not sticking this out-

Love,lisa

[forward]

Lisa,
My H wasn't paying much attention to D1, but then I started to disappear and leave her with him. Hi, going to get a pedicure, bye.

So, for at least a week, do not nag, pressure, or press him to come by to see kids under any circumstances. Do not try to make him feel guilty, either. Do not "help" him or advise him on the kids. Say nothing. See what happens.

(Not only that, he used to not do things like brush her teeth--and guess what? He's brushing her teeth! )

This is a big principle for DB: Ignore all the negative interactions. Praise what you want to see more of. If you ignore how he does not interact with them, and do not criticize or complain, he will be more likely to come around. Also, compliment him on his interactions with the kids when he is around.

Example: I told him D1 was happy as a clam with him. MUCH better than babysitter. SO much happier. And I think this is true! He said (and his lack of confidence surprised me) "Really?!" Have also told him that D1 is making better progress with him, which I also think is true. (But I can't lay it on too thick!)

I didn't comment that he gave her French fries (oh the sodium!!) and still sleeps too much on duty.

This DB is to calm the situation down. Do it for your kids now.

I figure at the very least, I got respect back. Even if H never comes back, D1 would see us interact respectfully.

[LisaLost]

breton, Thanks so much for taking time out to give me some great advice- I amtrying to follow that. I know in my heart what worked to bring him home last time. my problem is that I am 99.9% sure that I don't want him back this time- He would have to do some major attitude overhaul and some counseling which he refuses. I do tell him the kids need him _ I guess that is guilt? I shouldn't do that.

So I should just not say anything about the kids at all- what if he calls late on a Sunday to get them should I let him? I guess right now I need to take away any reason for him to be angry at me so I should just let him get the kids at anytime- my words notyours- Take away anything he can fight with me about.

Still no contact with him today

lisa

[LisaLost]

plus this time I am really unsure about allowing the kids to be around the ow who he swears he doesn't have.not yet anyway.

lisa