You need to calm down and stop obsessing so much. Give her space. Don't recruit family members to get involved in your situation to bring your wife around. That is pressure. Plus, if she says no, your pride is going to take a hit and you will be upset. Detach...let her do what she wants to do. The only way to get her back is to let her go. You need to GAL and show her that you are independent. Have you read DR or DB? You need to follow the principles immediately. Stop wasting time. Trust me, you will be kicking yourself in the future. Start now!
You need to calm down and stop obsessing so much. Give her space. Don't recruit family members to get involved in your situation to bring your wife around. That is pressure. Plus, if she says no, your pride is going to take a hit and you will be upset. Detach...let her do what she wants to do. The only way to get her back is to let her go. You need to GAL and show her that you are independent. Have you read DR or DB? You need to follow the principles immediately. Stop wasting time. Trust me, you will be kicking yourself in the future. Start now!
Which post are you referring to? The one where I said I wanted to get my mom to invite her over? I know I can't do that, I said to in the post.
I do have a life, I am totally independent, I have read DR, and I am leaving her alone - I don't have a choice actually.
Now, I do obsess at times, but that's why I come here and not to her. I can obsess here, get it out and live my life. I appreciate the stern comments though.
Let me bounce something of of you. If I'm "manning up" and making the changes necessary to be attractive to my wife again, and NO ONE sees it because she won't talk to me, at what point do I take things into my own hands and SHOW HER I'm serious about making our marriage not only good, but BETTER than it ever was or even better than she ever imagined?
I'm hitting so many of my goals, doing SO well, and I feel great about me right now. And I have NO WAY of showing her that. I don't need her approval, I would just like to know that I'm doing everything in my power (and God's) to save my marriage, and with NO feedback from her, it's pretty dang hard.
I think I'm going to schedule my last counseling session with Jodi.
THANKS GUYS!!!
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
It only gets easier to believe when you get to the point that your definition of it working out is you being okay either way.
Well, I KNOW I'll be OK, but OK isn't good enough sometimes. So I'm working on being great either way, and that is taking some more time. I'm only 2 months in, so I'll learn.
You know I'm 100% detached, I can't talk to her, I can't see her, nothing. I just vent some of my crazy here because you all are so helpful keeping me grounded.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I discovered today that I've been very predictable.
She filed - I flipped She wanted extended PO - I said OK She wanted access to me on her initiation through 3rd parties - I said OK She called our pastor and schedule a meeting - I jumped She said split the property - I said OK.
I'm doing exactly what she's expecting me to do. I need to do something else. I'm calling Jodi right now for an appointment. I need help!
I did get word from a neighbor that my W just wants it overwith. That was a bit disheartening, but if I hadn't been doing things to be ready for this, I'd be devastated. So, happilly (I guess), I'm somewhat ready for the final bomb. I don't know what my S is going to do. I guess it's good he's young and will have ample time for help and therapy to get over this before he hits his teens.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I did get word from a neighbor that my W just wants it overwith.
It's early and people posture.
I know but, this neighbor is so sweet, it was kind of shocking to hear this from her - but she is one of my W's good friends in the neighborhood and I'm sure she didn't want to be disloyal. Nonetheless, my W is being TOUGH! This isn't like her. It's almost a turn-on she is being so independent and strong. It makes me want to be with her all the more, crazy huh?
I really don't know how you guys/gals wait aroud for so long for WAS's and MLC'ers. I guess I'm getting there, but holy crap it's tough. I have found some new things to do with myself, and it's fun and useful, so that's good for me.
Lined up with Jodi tomorrow, she better be ready
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I have found some new things to do with myself, and it's fun and useful, so that's good for me.
(Okay, Nicola, get your mind out of the gutter - he doesn't mean it that way...)
JR - I want my D over with too, ASAP, and I don't even want a D. Thing is, I'm getting one, barring divine intervention, whether I want it or not. It's causing me so much stress and work, that I just want to get the negotiations done. H does too - although his gf may have something to do with that.
Anyway, my point is that wanting it to be over quickly doesn't necessarily mean all that much.
~Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
It's not the friend who's posturing, it's your W. There will come a day when you do it too.
I have to posture? You mean like when I was happy to be splitting up all our stuff last Thursday?
Quote:
The key is not to wait but to live. And we do it because we don't have any choice.
Agreed. The one dude was right, I have been obsessing and that's a trait I HAVE to ditch. It's so weird being with someone for 11 years. You know she's there for you, you know you have someone to go do something with, you know she loves you, it gets comfortable. Then when the rug is pulled out, you really have no idea what to do? I'm trying to be way more frugal with money, as that got me in a lot of trouble with her, so I don't golf as much, I don't want to be a couch-potato anymore, so no TV, and you can only work out so long each day
Fortunately I have this new job starting soon, so that'll be a huge relief, I really can't wait! That'll take my mind off a lot of stuff as I'll be really busy getting up to speed.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
I have found some new things to do with myself, and it's fun and useful, so that's good for me.
(Okay, Nicola, get your mind out of the gutter - he doesn't mean it that way...)
I didn't say do TO myself
Quote:
JR - I want my D over with too, ASAP, and I don't even want a D. Thing is, I'm getting one, barring divine intervention, whether I want it or not. It's causing me so much stress and work, that I just want to get the negotiations done. H does too - although his gf may have something to do with that.
Anyway, my point is that wanting it to be over quickly doesn't necessarily mean all that much.
~Nicola
Are you referring to my statement that my W wants it over with? If you've been reading my threads at all, you know it's not true. If she wanted it over with fast, it would be done. SHE is the one dragging things out. Her friend says she wants it done, well then, why isn't it done???
I really thought I didn't want a divorce, now I'm not even sure we should be married. Maybe we really should throw in the towel. Maybe that would just make everything easier for everyone, right? I mean if we could get to this point after being married 11 years, what's the point of dragging out the inevitable??? I'll just be a really great dad for my son, and make sure he gets raised right, when he's with me. We could just go to a mediator tomorrow and be done in 2-3 weeks.
Right?
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
Okay, I misunderstood. Seems odd that the friend would say that, then.
Quote:
Right?
About what?
Being done in 2-3 weeks?
We've been at it for two months, and it's not done, even though we're both agreeable. There's just a lot to do.
If you mean it'll all be over and done with - I don't know. That depends on you and how quickly you can let your M go. I sure couldn't do it that fast.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
