HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[25yearsmlc]

LL,

IMHO, it's time to stop taking his calls. If you must answer, tell him the ONLY topic up for discussion is your 5 children, legal/financial matters go through the lawyers. You will SAVE money in the long run, by hiring a Lawyer for everything financial/legal or your H WILL take you for all he can. He already HAS!! He is paying as little as possible and stop forgetting that HE is taking food and shelter away from YOUR children. Lose the shame about "not working".

Many men (I read this somewhere) turn guilt into an attack/anger FROM them, to the one they have hurt. This does NOT mean he will come back. He is very busy revising the marital history and filling in all the good spots with his New lens of crap.

Cussing at you? You say, "I deserve better than this. Call me if you can do better." and HANG UP.

He called you lower than a dog, etc. What an unreasonable and irrational amount of rage he has. He sounds dangerous. The leading cause of death for pregnant women in this country, is murder by the father of the child....

He knows he will be on the hook for 5 kids and guess what? SO will YOU!! The only thing that is unfair about this is that he'll have whatever money just to spend on himself, whereas you have to put your children first b/c that's what good parents do. Next time he calls you a bad mother, you might want to remind him that you are NOT the parent who abandoned his children, then HANG UP.

Other possible retorts (Not to be confused with defending or engaging in his delusions)

"H, stop projecting your anger onto me. You made the choices leading to this situation."

(if he again goes on about the horrible past, etc. ) try this:
"H, your memory is so self serving and selective, at some level, you must know how much pain you have caused those who loved you most."



"H at least I'm trying to do what's best for our children." "If you won't pay a reasonable amount without a court order, SO BE IT...I'll get one."

"H, we both know who did what and we both know I would never have hurt you or abandoned our children, so stop re-writing history to justify yourself"


"H, if you cannot talk like a calm rational adult then I'm hanging up" If his next sentence is Not an apology, HANG UP. What is there to say to a man this irrational?

Above all, LL, stay on message about the children being the priority, and don't get amnesia about who left whom, who cheated, who hides money, and who spews....He is hurting his own children when he spews and underpays. He is acting like a real bum, in the old days they called them "Cads". LL, you cannot enable this. He has launched scud missiles and you need to defend your children now. Anyone who says what he says and does what he does with 5 children, including a newborn, is not a good person. Yeah yeah yeah we all know about the "pressure of it all" blah blah blah-- he needs to GROW UP!!

Please defend yourself LEGALLY and FINANCIALLY and note that you are NOT accomplishing anything acting nice to him. His low self esteem and self loathing is going to take time and consequences, to resolve. You've protected him too much from all he has done. IF there is ever going to be a reconsiliation and if you could ever trust a man with what he has done, AT THIS TIME OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHILDREN'S LIVES, it won't occur b/c you're being nice to him.

I guess his words have just pushed my buttons today. The nerve of him calling YOU a bad parent. The irony. Point that out next time, "H, let me get this straight, I am taking care of our 5 children including a newborn baby girl, You're cheating on me, YOU left me with the kids to raise by myself, and now YOU are calling ME a bad parent? I wish I had a tape recorder so the court could hear how crazy that sounds." Make sure you are the one to end conversations no matter how they go, even if he's being nice, which I guess means Not spewing....You deserve better so stop taking less, okay?

Rooting for you, Take care of your children AND YOU. Expect nothing from him for now. At least nothing good. Lose expectations. You have to, for now.
j-