My W has been working with a physical trainer at the gym, and getting impressive results. She has admitted that she finds him "cute" and "nice", but when directly questioned, denied even being tempted to jump the fence.
But when not directly questioned, she is always blatantly saying and doing things to make me jealous. As in characterizing her session with the trainer as a "hot date". Bringing him food. Telling me about what she saw him doing when she went to the gym to work out on her own between scheduled sessions with him. Making little jokes and innuendoes about him. Saying on his days off that she doesn't feel like going to the gym because he's not there. And so on. Early on, she accused me of being jealous after she did some of that, and I admitted that i was and then turned it around and said "you want me to be jealous, don't you?", and she admitted that she did, that she considered it a sign of love.
Now she hasn't done any of the classic signs of actually having an affair of any kind, such as cutting me off emotionally or sexually, hiding her phone or other property, or strange and unexplained absences. She has given me detailed descriptions of what they do together and what they talk about. And, again, when directly questioned, denies even being tempted to cross the line. In her words "I've got enough trouble keeping up with you!".
Sounds like a pretty obvious cry for some kind of reaction, right? Well, as I mentioned to LustForLife, my reaction tends to be along the lines of giving her more attention, flirting with her, and so on. LFL seemed to consider this inadequate; my W, on the other hand, appears to eat it right up, at least for now. If she wants me to credibly threaten violence against an ex-military certified personal trainer six years younger than me, she's barking up the wrong tree. If she wants me to credibly threaten to kick her out, she's also out of luck... and remember, she can hear me thinking. If she wasn't neglecting me, I'd keep her without hesitation no matter what (or who) she was doing on the side. The furthest I went was to tell her (falsely) that, if she crossed that line, I would do the same. She didn't buy it, as she told me some weeks later, although she went ahead and related this threat to our family and friends as if she believed it.
The simple truth is that the thought of her having a fling with another guy turns me on, especially if I get to watch. Of course the thought of her cutting me off emotionally and sexually, or running off to live with him, doesn't turn me on at all, so I haven't exactly come out and admitted any of this or deliberately done anything that would tend to encourage her to cross the line. The closest I've come to admitting it was to admit, after the little weasel waited until I was out of earshot one day to talk to her at the gym and she later accused me (truthfully but playfully) of being jealous, that "jealousy makes me horny" as I lightly ran my fingers along her spine and down her leg. Of course I have little doubt she knows the whole truth about my feelings on this and isn't talking about it until I feel like it.
Perhaps she's doing all this to "test the waters". (Doubtful, unless she's a much better liar than she's ever shown herself to be in the decade and a half that I've known her). Or maybe she's feeling insecure (she doesn't have any real reason to these days, but people hardly ever need a reason for this) and wants daily reassurance that I do get jealous. Or maybe she just keeps it up because I keep rewarding her with attention and increased sexual vibes.
She told me a few months ago "If you brought him over here and said 'he's all yours' or 'let's have a threesome', I wouldn't do it". My response was to smile and say "OK, now I know what not to get you for your birthday".
I'm glad I improved my mental state and started reconnecting with her before she started working with this trainer! Who knows what kind of emotional connection she'd have with him (and not with me) by now otherwise?
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 05/25/0707:50 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
