I know it's difficult but if it were me, I wouldn't initiate. THAT is one of the issues you've told her you have. Everytime you go to her and YOU initiate, you let her off the hook. Now if she does something like initiates three times in a row, then throw one in there. But have her do the preponderance of the persuing.
Sorry to say this but I think her "waiting for her orgasm" and not participating thing goes back to her prior lifestyle. I'm sure NOP's could explain that one to you better, but I do believe it's connected.
